Stupid Warning Labels – The Death of Personal Responsibility

So, I was chatting on Skype with a friend, and we were talking about how stupid warning labels have gotten. He mentioned the “Coffee may be hot” warning labels on coffee, and I mentioned seeing a CD rack that warned people not to use it as a ladder. After a bit of back and forth sharing of stupid warnings, we both blurted out “man, people are stupid”. And you know what? People really are pretty fuckin’ stupid.

Inspired by our conversation, I sat out in the sun for a few hours and did some thinking. I was mostly thinking about sex, but a good 10% of the time was spent thinking about why our society is so riddled with idiots… people with little common sense, and absolutely no sense of personal responsibility for their actions. Why is that? Why do we allow it as a species? Why does it thrive?

We Train Them Young

If you’re a long time reader of the site, you may recall an article I wrote about children’s playgrounds. I expressed my disgust at how lame they’ve become, and how parents coddle their children to such an extent that they’ll all undoubtedly grow up to be giant whiny babies who simply can’t take care of themselves. Well, turns out this was more accurate than I realized.

This seems like a good idea.

These people… these people who never experienced even a hint of “danger” or the real world as children, grow up to be the type of people who spill hot coffee on themselves and then sue the company that sold them the hot coffee. It’s a potent mix of stupidity and greed, and you know what? We can’t even really blame them.

Through the art of helicopter parenting, children are shielded from all dangers, real or imagined, leaving them clueless as adults. Those scrapped knees and broken bones that parents so feared of their children, translate into a warped perception of the dangers of the real world and how to deal with them.

All grown up, those same kids are now parents with their own children. The type of parents that think it’s okay to place their child inside an airtight plastic tub. I mean, what could possibly go wrong there? If a baby isn’t meant to be stored in a sealed plastic container, then clearly the manufacturer should have put a label! How was I to know that??

Rewarding Stupidity

To make matters even worse, somewhere along the line these morons figured out that if they do something stupid, they can actually sue someone and make a ton of money off it! Put your penis in an electrical outlet and burn it right down to the stump? Time to sue the socket manufacturer, they didn’t tell me not to jam my penis in there!!

I can just imagine how the lawsuit went…

See, there’s actually value in litigation when it comes to, say… poor maintenance that leads to injury, or some idiot slamming into your car because he was busy brushing his teeth on the highway. I get that, and that’s why people like James Cupero exist, to help navigate the legal system for legitimate purposes. Not just because you managed to blast some soda in your eyes and are crying about it like a big baby about it, you fuckin’ idiot.


But for the rest of the people? No… they deserve nothing but the consequences of their stupid actions, which would have likely meant death not so very long ago. During a time when people were still responsible for themselves, and didn’t treat acting like a perpetual victim as a good thing.

But Wait, There’s More!

I think you’ve figured out where I’m going with this, so I’ll stop ranting. Instead, check out some more unbelievably stupid warning labels. Sit back, enjoy… laugh… cry, whatever you like.


Smart warning… you never go ass to mouth! It’s just a bad idea all around.


The only bad language on my phone is when telemarketers call me over and over again and I finally answer just long enough to scream at them.


Cripe, no wonder I burned myself so badly last time I did this. I must not have read the warning properly.


Saving the best for last.

I hope you enjoyed my little rant, and I encourage you to share your feelings with me in the comments below. Is there some truth to my rambling, or am I full of shit? Feel free to let me know.

(Header photo by David Goehring – Stupid labels, Assorted)



Power & Money

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I'm a co-founder and writer here at Unfinished Man. I write, manage the look and feel of the website, and make sure that nothing breaks. I also reply to the vast majority of our emails, so if you're sending one through, I suggest you be nice. Everyone says I'm the least offensive of our writers, so they gave the email jockey task to me. When I'm not improving the site, I write about fashion, video games, politics, and anything related to science and technology.

4 comments on “Stupid Warning Labels – The Death of Personal Responsibility”

  1. I truly believe that if you’re stupid enough to shove a screwdriver into the tip of your penis or to try to iron your shirt while wearing it, then you don’t need a warning label. You need an irreversible vasectomy so you can’t pass those defective genes on to future generations.

    • I wholeheartedly agree with you. If a product has a hidden danger, such as say… radiation, sure… put a warning label. If it’s a “danger” that stems from complete stupidity, then the idiot deserves whatever they get.

  2. There’s definitely enough stupid people being allowed through the net for a daily Darwin Awards ceremony of epic proportions.

    Supposedly Japan’s legal system is much the opposite. It’s along the lines of “You fell down an open manhole cover? Why? You should get to hospital, you’re all messed up. Good luck.” 😀


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