Toilet Seats- The Bane of Man’s Existence, or a Wacky Man Accessory?

Considering that the average man’s interaction with the toilet seat is either to flip it out of the way dismissively, or flatten it into submission after taco night, it seems like having a decorative one is a pretty big waste (see what I did there?). Since there are roughly 22 billion styles of seashell-flower-jellybean-heart-dolphin toilet seats, it’s about time some more masculine designs got some notice- especially considering how much quality time every man spends on his throne. That being said, we could outline some really cutting edge, sexy (all considered) and truly manly styles, but we all know what you want to see is the hilarious, tacky, novelty crap. Here’s a comprehensive list of hilarious and truly different toilet seats that will cheer up any man cave like a knitted Barbie toilet roll cover never could.

guitar toilet seat cover
If pooping were music, man dumps are metal.

Jammin’ John’s Screamer- seems like a terrible way for a beautiful tobacco sunburst strat to die, but you have to admit, it’s a patina that any man can appreciate. The website claims that both Steven Spielberg and Willie Nelson are fans, so I guess it comes fairly highly recommended. That, or you have to grow a beard and get stoned to truly understand its rich musical connotations.

shark toilet seat cover
Helpfully scares the shit out of you.

LooWithAView’s Shark- I’m fairly certain everyone went through the phase when younger/drunker/dumber where they became worried about something in the toilet biting them in the ass.  Bring these terrifying dreams to life with your very own toilet Jaws! Please note the second set of teeth on the inner rim of the seat for chomp action. Perfect for commercial breaks during Shark Week, so you never have to feel like you’re missing a second of the action.

steer head toilet cover
You Chief Squatting Bull.

Decorative Polyresin Toilet Seat with Steer Head– for every man who still wants to be a cowboy, or to have a bathroom that evokes the dust swept plains and terrible native American stereotyping. You could probably get a fairly good tumble weed collection going if you ignore cleaning long enough.

barbwire toilet seat cover
Nothing says “Welcome to My Home” like appliances that look like they’ll cut your ass.

Dangerous Toilet Seat- Proudly touted as “The Scariest Toilet Seat We’ve Ever Sold,” this ghetto fabulous lid showcases the best weapons the junkyard has to offer. Perfect for affirming “tough guy” status, cracking open in the case of zombie apocalypse, and letting you gleefully pretend you really do have buns of steel. Urban Junkie has a few ridiculous manly offerings, including:

mechanic toilet seat cover

We also found a few real gems at Who wouldn’t want any of these pieces of ‘art’ as the focus of their bathroom?

screaming skull toilet seat cover
You’ve opened a portal straight to hell.

Demon from the Depths- because your dumps are so foul they: A) wake the dead. B) are a torment inflicted on lost souls in the bowels of hell. C) make banshees howl in terror. Because that’s totally what that noise coming from your bathroom was. Banshees.

lion toilet seat cover
Come poop, my lord.

Richard the Lionhearted Throne Seat- Because your bathroom should make you feel like a king? I don’t know. Buy this if you want to look like you waddled out of Medival Times with a piece of mutton in one hand and half of their decor under your arm.

And finally, because nothing else can sum up the majesty of your noble efforts:

eagle toilet seat
Proud and free.



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Author, Designer, and "that girl your mother warned you about." Looking good seems to be my job, whether it's working with the site design, or a number of other more interesting capacities. I have a ridiculous sense of humour and a brutal sense of honesty- you'll see a lot of that coming through in my writing, so don't say I didn't warn you if I somehow manage to offend you AND hurt your feelings at the same time. On the plus side, it makes my dating and advice columns a lot more pertinent to an unfinished man in the real world.

12 comments on “Toilet Seats- The Bane of Man’s Existence, or a Wacky Man Accessory?”

      • I hate people like you who put stuff up online (razor/barbed wire toilet seat) that you cannot buy-why do it!? even promoting a company like urban junkie that has the worst reviews ever!! why not take it down its out of date lack of info cluttering up the web

    • Hey Gene,

      We don’t actually sell any of these seats, we just wrote about them. If you contact the manufacturers, I’m sure they can help you out. πŸ™‚


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