Considering that the average man’s interaction with the toilet seat is either to flip it out of the way dismissively, or flatten it into submission after taco night, it seems like having a decorative one is a pretty big waste (see what I did there?). Since there are roughly 22 billion styles of seashell-flower-jellybean-heart-dolphin toilet seats, it’s about time some more masculine designs got some notice- especially considering how much quality time every man spends on his throne. That being said, we could outline some really cutting edge, sexy (all considered) and truly manly styles, but we all know what you want to see is the hilarious, tacky, novelty crap. Here’s a comprehensive list of hilarious and truly different toilet seats that will cheer up any man cave like a knitted Barbie toilet roll cover never could.
Jammin’ John’s Screamer- seems like a terrible way for a beautiful tobacco sunburst strat to die, but you have to admit, it’s a patina that any man can appreciate. The website claims that both Steven Spielberg and Willie Nelson are fans, so I guess it comes fairly highly recommended. That, or you have to grow a beard and get stoned to truly understand its rich musical connotations.
LooWithAView’s Shark- I’m fairly certain everyone went through the phase when younger/drunker/dumber where they became worried about something in the toilet biting them in the ass. Bring these terrifying dreams to life with your very own toilet Jaws! Please note the second set of teeth on the inner rim of the seat for chomp action. Perfect for commercial breaks during Shark Week, so you never have to feel like you’re missing a second of the action.
Decorative Polyresin Toilet Seat with Steer Head– for every man who still wants to be a cowboy, or to have a bathroom that evokes the dust swept plains and terrible native American stereotyping. You could probably get a fairly good tumble weed collection going if you ignore cleaning long enough.
Dangerous Toilet Seat- Proudly touted as “The Scariest Toilet Seat We’ve Ever Sold,” this ghetto fabulous lid showcases the best weapons the junkyard has to offer. Perfect for affirming “tough guy” status, cracking open in the case of zombie apocalypse, and letting you gleefully pretend you really do have buns of steel. Urban Junkie has a few ridiculous manly offerings, including:
We also found a few real gems at DesignToscano.com. Who wouldn’t want any of these pieces of ‘art’ as the focus of their bathroom?
Demon from the Depths- because your dumps are so foul they: A) wake the dead. B) are a torment inflicted on lost souls in the bowels of hell. C) make banshees howl in terror. Because that’s totally what that noise coming from your bathroom was. Banshees.
Richard the Lionhearted Throne Seat- Because your bathroom should make you feel like a king? I don’t know. Buy this if you want to look like you waddled out of Medival Times with a piece of mutton in one hand and half of their decor under your arm.
And finally, because nothing else can sum up the majesty of your noble efforts: