The Submariner Shower – How To Get Clean In 2 Minutes or Less

When I’m walking down the street, people often stop me to ask a simple question; “Chad, how is that you shower in such a quick and efficient manner? Please, oh wise one, fill me with your knowledge, like a bishop fills his disciple with…”. I always tell them the same thing, to follow the Submariner Shower (SS) method of getting clean. No, I’m not talking about the Waffen SS, all though I’m sure they were a hygienic bunch as well.

No, instead I’m talking about a concept that my doctor (an ex-submarine crew member) explained to me, and that I gave a phony-baloney name to sound shrewd. The SS method of showering follows the notion that people, as a general rule, are not nearly as dirty as they think they are. Simply washing a few key areas of the body each day is often more than enough to stay clean, and not smell like a sweat soaked nerd. Submarine crews are often quite large, and the faster a crew member is able to clean themselves, the faster the next person can use the shower.

Instead of scrubbing every inch of your body every time you take a shower, I propose  that, for days that you aren’t exerting yourself, you wash the following areas: your hair, your armpits, your groin, and your ass. If you just spent the day mountain biking, or spent an evening in a dumpy bar, then by all means give yourself the full body scrub treatment.

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Over the last 10 years, I’ve noticed that North American society has developed a near obsession with combating germs and “staying clean”. Whatever the reason, I believe that frequent full body washes are pointless, time-consuming, and expensive. The money you save on buying so much soap could be used towards far more useful things, like importing your own howler monkey. The possibilities are endless.



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Chad is the co-founder of Unfinished Man, a leading men's lifestyle site. He provides straightforward advice on fashion, tech, and relationships based on his own experiences and product tests. Chad's relaxed flair makes him the site's accessible expert for savvy young professionals seeking trustworthy recommendations on living well.

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