The Real Man’s Life: Full of Huge Snakes, Sex Nazis, and Evil Gorillas

Man's Life man smashes weasel

A guy needs guidance to become the weasel-smashing, beer-swilling, tree-chopping, bacon-eating speciman (you see what I did there?) that all fellows aspire to be. Outside of reading Unfinished Man, we have some visual aides for you in your quest for lion wrestling supremacy. The fifties and sixties were a golden age of comically delineated gender roles, and frankly, we all have an innate desire to reflect some of that shiny, sexy perfection even if we don’t really agree with most of what was happening. One of the best things to come out of those bygone years were Manly Men Adventure magazines, and there were a lot of them, painted in bold strokes with sultry femmes and the pinnacles of manliness. So have your slippers laid out for you, put on your smoking jacket, and learn a thing or two about being a finished man from our collection of the best of the best of men’s publication covers.

Man's Life man stabs gorilla
Gorillas make every effort to tear off a man’s shirt at every opportunity. Show them who’s boss with a well placed stab wound.
man's life sailor rescues women
And sometimes, you have to think of the needs of the many… like the 20 marooned geishas who all want to do you.
man's life woman holds man hostage
Femme Nazis are a real problem. THEY MURDER FOR PLEASURE
man's life escape on skis from nazis
In fact,Nazis keep popping up- real men know to keep their women on skis at all times for a quick escape. Plus, while she’s frolicing in the snow, you can learn where to pick up lusty vacationing babes for shameful hookups.
Man's Life giant snakes
Snakes will also rip open your shirt, so keep your eyes open and your wits about you. You might even find a foreign love slave.
true men vulture attacks man
Realistically, I think it’s safe to say that flesh and shirt tearing are a large concern for the common man.
true adventures man with harem girl
What fun, raiding a harem of captive women! Don’t forget to read the “Overcoming Frigidity” article… just in case.
stag killer manta ray
You know what? Everything’s trying to kill you. Just make sure you start practicing stabbing with both hands.
sir! nazis watch pin up girl
Seriously, it’s like you can never get rid of these Nazis. More entertaining though, are the other featured stories: Human Beef Jerky, Your Sweet Heart and Abortion, and Why Call Girls Are That Way. Make sure you brush up on these important topics.
man's life woman attacked by bobcats
Forget about bobcats- you know you can just stab those, by now- it’s the joy-hunting hussies that you need to read more about. And heaven forbid you’re a mama’s boy.
man's life women viet cong
Nazis and random shirt loving animals are not only your only foe.
man's life woman carry man in cart
Dangerous situations abound for today’s man- like San Francisco.
man's life attacked by spiders
But never lose sight of the fact that EVERYTHING is trying to kill you. Even if your town IS full of those lousy love-starved women.
man's life combows and woman hostage
Remember that you need a wide variety of knowledge to succeed. Hostage negotiations with cowboys are second only to blood, gold and sharks.
man's life monk with gun dynamite and a woman
It may go against your peaceful nature, but sometimes you need to assert your dominance. Then retire to Los Angeles because six square blocks of sexy women are just about enough to help you unwind.
man's life lion attacks woman on train tracks
Because you never know when you may need your strength for lion clubbing or for saving women from lust-wizards.
man's life couple runs from zombies
Zombies, while more rare, can’t simply be stabbed. Basic firearms training is recommended to achieve fully finished man status.
all man crabs attack man and woman
If you take one thing away from this important set of lessons, remember: EVERYTHING STILL WANTS TO KILL YOU. And possibly fry you in acid.

Collected from StagMags – a site that is nothing short of brilliant.




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Author, Designer, and "that girl your mother warned you about." Looking good seems to be my job, whether it's working with the site design, or a number of other more interesting capacities. I have a ridiculous sense of humour and a brutal sense of honesty- you'll see a lot of that coming through in my writing, so don't say I didn't warn you if I somehow manage to offend you AND hurt your feelings at the same time. On the plus side, it makes my dating and advice columns a lot more pertinent to an unfinished man in the real world.

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