Would You Get Your Ass in Gear if You Had Adidas Talking Shoes?

Technology is both the best and the worst thing about us as a species. For every daring, innovative and inspiring new thing we achieve with our gigantic brains and some circuitry, we also create at least three mind-bendingly horrific, disgusting, or completely lazy and pointless counterpoints. While they’re not up there with say, cancer research or invisibility cloaks or terrifyingly realistic robots, these Adidas talking shoes want to sync up with your phone and the all-knowing Google to motivate and narrate your day.

Adidas Talking Shoes- Because Your Shoes Have to Insult You Before You’ll Move in the Morning

While this is obviously a one off project (Art, Copy & Code, the creators, describe it as an exercise in ‘Connected Objects,’) it’s not far off from where technology in general is headed. As the superior species, we’ve run out of predators to evade and have become fixated on quantifying and recording every minute detail of our lives. When that horrifically annoying tendency drives our friends away, we have to turn to technology to find new friends. But that’s okay, you still love me, right, shoes? *This is boring.*   …  Fucking jerk.

Adidas Talking shoes

Adidas Talking shoes

The video below outlines what sorts of commentary you can expect from your new Adidas talking shoes friend. The cheeky footwear has directional, accelerometer, gyroscope and pressure sensors that compile movement data into a personality of your choosing- Trash Talker, Hipster, or Bon Vivant. While it makes sense to have an onboard speaker and that this concept piece wouldn’t exactly be gorgeous, I think the looks alone would make it more likely that most men would want to stick to their tried and true, classically stylish shoes.

Having your shoes chit-chatting with you about your slothful or rabbit-like ways is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the definition of connected in this context. From the Adidas Talking Shoes product bio:

Real-time commentary from the shoe is posted automatically to the wearer’s App Activity Page on Google+. Additionally, the wearer has the option of posting individual commentary as well as an animated GIF summary of his story directly to his Google+ feed. 

And of course, we all need to know exactly which celebrities are currently in the middle of their five hour a day workout cycle:

As the wearer moves, the Talking Shoe generates data that’s translated and pushed to a real-time display ad. The viewer of the display ad can see who’s wearing the shoe and follow her on Google+, and can experience her story through music, visuals and commentary. The music, voice, and attitude of the shoe changes based on the “personality” the wearer has selected: Trash Talker, Hipster, or Bon Vivant.

Adidas Talking shoes

Would you want to have an on-board cheerleader/hater that spent your days muttering at you from inside your shoes? Do you think having theme music for all your actions would be totally amazing? (I’m picturing that episode of Family Guy…) Currently, I’m just waiting for the day when Google reveals a name change to Skynet and all of our shoes rise up and turn on us.

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