You see a lot of advice for picking up women given by guys- as resident femme on site, I’m here to tell you that this situation is fundamentally flawed. I’m not saying that a man will lead you wrong, but what you’re going to get is a lot of different approaches that work for different types of guys. At the end of the day, a lot of what you try isn’t going to match up with your personal style, and putting it into practice is going to burn harder than napalm in your shorts. What most guys don’t realize is there is one surefire, panty dropping move that will work for any man on the planet, and it’s dead simple.
There’s a lot of debate over whether being the nice guy or the bad boy is going to work better, but the reality is we gals can be selfish, confusing, and we want the perfect mix of both at any given time. To avoid exploding one head or the other trying to work out what’s appropriate when, work with a simple combination: approach, deliver a very basic appearance based compliment, and walk away. Seriously. We are actually this easy. You think you know what I mean, but you don’t; stay with me for a second here before you dash off to conquer the world.
The beauty of this pick up is that it is literally on the move- it fits any situation, can be practiced anywhere, on any woman, and with any intentions. When walking up to the girl you’ve got your eye on, stop her politely, as though the thought just occurred to you. These words are the deadliest in your arsenal: “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to tell you, you look really beautiful today.” Advanced practitioners can insert a bashful smile and run a hand through their (own) hair- picture trying to look a little embarrassed that you just did this; it’s like she was just so pretty you couldn’t help but say it! While not necessary, this pretty much guarantees your target is simultaneously imagining you riding in on a white horse, and her riding you like the stallion you are. We can’t help ourselves when assailed with a deadly combo of initiative, flattery and vulnerability. The trick is to immediately take back complete control and guarantee that “vulnerable” doesn’t trend towards wimpy. Wish her a good day, and continue past her like you’re heading along on whatever business a busy fellow like you has going on. You’ve just laid the groundwork for a slew of options, but most importantly, you’ve just come across as the perfect package deal of every quality she could possibly want. It’s akin to giving her your dick in a box… with a really, really expensive, classy bow.
Here’s why this works: we’re hard wired to be attracted to confidence and dominance. Having a big enough pair to approach me means you’ve got a big enough pair to whack me over the head and drag me back to your cave. You’ve proven that you’re both polite and sensitive enough to treat me right (whether you choose to do so is optional), and no girl on the planet is completely immune to flattery. The biggest key, and the one that drives us absolutely bananas, is that you’re proving that you don’t actually care enough to leave us in control of the situation. This is that crucial hint of mysterious bad boy douchebaggery that lures a girl in and unhooks her bra one-handed.
Where do you go from here? A confident girl has a pretty good chance of starting up a conversation with you. A shy one isn’t intimidated because you’re not being pushy, and a militant one can’t accuse you of being a chauvinist pig. You can roll with whatever she throws your way; you can go a few steps, turn around and give her your number as an “afterthought”, or just keep walking knowing that girl’s going to go to bed thinking about you. She’s going to tell all her friends about you, because every girl secretly wants other people to know that men find her attractive- what it all adds up to is you weighing on her mind for a large part of the foreseeable future. Years ago or days ago, I remember every detail about every guy who has ever done this. So much so that here I am, telling you about the profoundly sexy impact it had on me.
Try this out on a random- the walk away guarantees there’s no awkward silence and mitigates any fear you may have of failure. If there’s a girl you pass on your walk home, on an occasional route past a coffee shop or the bank, you can follow it up later with a smile and an apologetic “I’m too busy to stop for you right now” shrug; she’ll be keeping an eye out for you for the next few weeks, hoping to catch YOUR attention and break through your carefully crafted indifference. Maybe you’re only going to try it to get some practice in; regardless of how you choose to use this weapon, it’s going to make you act and feel like a million bucks, and the resulting confidence and independence are sexy as all hell. Start with this in your arsenal, and you’ll find women will start jumping in the sights of your big gun.
(Photo: graur codrin)
{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
Are you serious? Run you’re hand through her hair? On a girl you’ve never talked to before? Try this without coming off as a wanne-be douche bag. The only time I would ever see that working is on a very very insecure/ugly girl.
Once again never take pick up advice from a woman.
Hey- as awesome radical as you probably are at picking up chicks, you may be taking that line out of context. I meant to suggest that YOU, as the man, could run it through your own hair- a cute and attractive sign of bashfulness. I can see how that could be read both ways, though, so I’m clearing it up here. I’ve NEVER seen that work on ANY girl.
You must be kind of stupid.
through your hair not hers…
Learn how to read, Guest. Once again, America keeps proving to me how absent minded we really are. Thanks for contributing, Guest.
Thank you Nick for proving to US how presumptuous ignorant people can be. Please keep your ignorance to yourself, and realize supremacist idiots exist everywhere (take yourself as a perfect example).
in the parentheses it says (own) as in run your hands through your OWN hair, not hers
I’ve honestly done this to a girl before reading this and i can say this does work. I saw this girl occasionally around school and decided to get the courage and tell her she looked good today and then i had nothing else to say so i just said ” thats all i had to say. have a good night”. I saw her like a month later and she approached me about what i said and we had a great convo. needless to say its works with confidence and luck
Besides the running your hand through the hair of a girl you don’t know (which can be fine depending on the level of rapport you manage to achieve) this is pretty solid advice. At the very least all you have done is made a stranger smile with your complement.
I changed the wording of that line, because I wasn’t actually trying to suggest running your hand through her hair (creeeeeper!). Basically, if you’re a really good actor or genuine in your interest, running your hand through your OWN hair is sign that she’ll pick up on- it shows her that you’re a bit embarrassed or shy. What she’ll take from it is that you’re a real person who has a genuine attraction for her- not a cocky player with a practiced line.
Imagine it like this: http://goo.gl/dmGCZ
this is advice for picking up immature girls.. not mature women
apparently you were wrong about the militant girls gina!
where’s the like button!
i personally would be creeped out
what is so wrong with someone that they can’t take a compliment without feeling like their personal space has been invaded?
I guess this approach doesn’t work on stuck up girls.
You said it someguy. Get your head out of your own world you call your ass, jess, and take the compliment. Sounds like someone needs to work on their self-confidence..
No. She’s right. It is annoying, like we’re only as good as our appearance or something. Lots of guys have tried this on me and it’s never worked.
And still you remember every guy who has tried it on you. Sorry Cinderella but no one is going to give you a cold call approach praising your personality. You put on clothes and makeup to look presentable and someone took the courage to praise you on it. Lots of people never get that attention. Be grateful and move on.
Please, calling a girl beautiful is highly overrated. I can take the compliment, but it’s such a “go-to” for guys who can’t fish deeper into the vocabulary pool. I know you think that word makes every girl melt, but that is a complete fallacy. Most girls appreciate genuinity which would NOT be immidiately complimenting on our looks. I guarantee if the first thing you do is make a girl laugh rather than make her feel materialistic, you’ll have a better chance than with a serious first approach – which can be a little awkward.
I dunno, I think she’s probably grateful or at least acknowledging the compliments she gets, but what she said was that it’s never worked – meaning it doesn’t get her interested in the guy who’s praising her for just her looks. Realistically, I totally get that. Who’d want to be complimented on something as trivial as their image, when it’s just overall nicer to have someone approach you because you’re fun or friendly or what have you. Starting the entire pickup on a “you’re really beautiful” seems like it’ll generally just catch the girls who need to hear that crap.
After typing that, I’m thinking it probably just comes down to specific personalities. I wouldn’t go for that girl but other guys might, and she wouldn’t go for me but other girls do.
Yea Chelsea, because what we should do is compliment you on your amazing personality instead of your looks since personality can simply be judged from a glance… Looks are the first things that are visible to anyone, and then tell me why you dress up when you go out if you don’t want to be admired or noticed for looking good? Girls like you can never be satisfied because you’re too uptight.
Good advice. I will have to try this out. All those who are bashing you, are just jealous that they didn’t think of it first, or they are the type that men wouldn’t date anyways. So this line would never work on them….because they are too self centered.
Thanks for writing, you guys- I can see where both the previous posters are coming from, but I actually think that both of those “issues” depend on the man himself. If you’re delivering an insincere compliment just to try it out, women will know… we can sense when a guy is full of shit; that’s often what we refer to when we get that “creepy” feeling, and only immature women will fall for something that’s blatantly uncomfortable and untrue.
Make sure that you’re complimenting someone you’re attracted to, and make sure if you compliment something about them that it’s what you notice- your sincerity won’t go unappreciated. You shouldn’t be going after someone you don’t have a spark of attraction to anyways.
I’m with the first commentator about never taking advice from a woman on how to pick up women.
What women WANT is pretty much irrelevant when it comes to picking up women. All that matters is what they actually respond to (how many women claim to want a nice guy, only to fall for every jerk that throws a punch their way?).
If a guy is looking to pick someone up at a bar (or anywhere else where the intention is to pick up women), then he should pretty much do the opposite of what you’ve suggested. He should not give her any attention. Women are, by and large, attention whores; if a guy doesn’t give them what they want, they become insecure, at which point it’s almost like shooting fish in a barrel. Focus your attention (do so in a way that involves you ACTUALLY having fun) on pretty much anything OTHER than the women who are getting free drinks from every Tom, Dick, and Harry and you are almost sure to go home with someone.
Of course, if you’re a complete troll and carry yourself like a loser, then you will probably end up getting stuck with the 1:45 women (if that).
So, do the opposite, and you’ll make women feel as small and insecure as possible, so you can then sleep with them because they’re finally desperate enough to take you?
This article is about warming up women you’re genuinely attracted to, feeling confident in yourself, learning how to give a real compliment and getting results, so I suppose if you’re looking for the insincere buck-shot approach, it really won’t work. I think reading the article would have helped in this case- this isn’t an approach for the bar, you’re not looking for the easy attention whores, you’re not necessarily showering a girl with attention or being a wimpy nice guy, and it isn’t about instant sexual gratification.
I do also think it’s kind of a bummer you think you can’t have ACTUAL fun while talking with a woman.
I’m not sayin’… I’m just sayin’.
I agree 110% with Gina.
And in my own words, you have the perfect plan to be a major douchebag that any decent girl would avoid.
Just a cut and paste from a PUA book. Gina is spot on and it’s worked incredibly well for me…
This sounds like it’d probably work on men too, am I correct?
I mean, it’s pretty well designed as a non-aggressive, ambivalent way of making the first move….
oooooh yeah, big time. If an attractive girl did that to me, I would 8 times out of 10(depending on my mood that day) follow her up and talk to her. But you should make eye contact with the guy first so you know he’s into you.
The key here is saying you look beautiful TODAY. It’s indirectly showing that you don’t assume she is some idealistic prize and could not look so beautiful at other times. If you just say you’re beautiful that’s a lot to live up to and many girls will shy away because their self image could never live up to that.
This is a cool way to approach. It’s not new, I’ve heard about it before. What I like here is how Gina describes this story from a girl-point-of-view adn it’s clear that guys who done this to her just made her fantasize about.. you know;)
Gina, a big like for this;)
What if I happen to work in a sandwich shop where some pretty ladies come in? Would it be awkward for the guy making their lunch to do this?
hmmm…There’s never a bad place or time to give a sincere compliment. The only thing is, you lose the ability to control the situation by walking away. I would say that if you want to try it out, leave it to the end of the transaction. Plan something to do, tell her something like, “You look really pretty today. Have a good one!” and then turn to grab the bread from the oven. If she’s going to do or say anything, she will- if not, you’re locking down that quasi-dismissal because you’ve got other stuff to do. She’s pretty enough you noticed her, but not pretty enough to get in the way of anything else on your mind either. If it goes well she’ll likely be by again to try to catch your eye.
Just promise me you won’t be staring at her, drooling, while you miss putting the olives on her sandwich, okay?
great article and good advice. i’ll have to try this sometime soon.
Hey Gina,
I really liked this article and I’m glad I stumbled on it. I just wanted to say thank you for the sound advice, I’m looking forward to trying it out.
I see beautiful women everywhere I always want to say something like this too, but get super nervous running the situation through in my head to the point where I scare myself away from saying anything. With the compliment and walk away combo I may be able to actually get the words out and make a clean getaway feeling good about the whole thing.
And sometimes, it really is just that I want to pay someone a compliment – the afterthought of awkwardness always holds me back.
Too bad this wouldn’t work on my bus commute. Unless it happens to be my stop just after saying it.
Take care!
This makes so much sense it’s stupid. Although never seen/tried this exact technique I have seen similar tactics work and this just seems like the perfect model.
Guys–this is sooo true! Take this advice, it’ll work
I have thought about doing this about 50 times since i came to college, but i never thought that it would work and i never had an end game. Thanks for the advice im glad i didnt just go to bed and i felt like stumbling at 1 am.
Gina,
You go girl! This was a fantastic read, even though I wasn’t the target audience. As a taken woman, I have to agree this works. My man pretty much did this to me, while I was with another guy (we were having problems, and he was there for me). He was there to talk to me, and would leave me with little tidbits such as, “Any man would be lucky to have you..” and then he would go. Needless to say, I fell for him-hard. Guys, this is the golden ticket. This will work on any girl who, to be honest, will be worth the while. This is the first article out of the thousands that I’ve commented on that Stumbleupon has sent me to. Great work, Gina!
Opening up your heart and being unconditionally loving is the most honourable way to a girls heart. Sadly, it seems you need looks and money in order for them to bother looking deeper.
I think this is a fabulous idea! You’re exactly right: the guy can play off any of the possible responses from the girl. And a compliment delivered the right way, at an unexpected time (like in this scenario) is sure to make any woman’s day. I wish more guys would do this, and actually voice their interest instead of just battering girls with long stares on the metro. That’s just not enough.
Everyone is so hateful on the internet. I wish someone would talk to me, when i go out partying, the same way that people talk to one another on the net. That would be a mouth-smacking good time! Anyway, the article is more for trying tog et younger women. These things will not work on 40 year old women, but I tend to like younger women, so thumbs up!
I’ve actually done this before and it definitely works. Flirting with girls, in general, is all about self confidence. Guys, Have confidence in yourself, and girls will have confidence in you. One more thing i would add to your advice, Gina, would be for the guy to maintain eye contact while he tells the lady how beautiful she looks today. Eye contact is a powerful indicator of one’s self confidence, especially during first impressions, and it is more likely that the girl will remember the guy’s face if she is looking directly at his eyes.
Sincere compliments are a great way to meet the other sex. Gina says it right. Take notes guys.
Gina, would this be a good idea if I already sort of know her and see her everyday in highschool?
i can’t speak for all other females but i certanly think it would, i know it would and has one me. Actually i’ve had a few guys try this approch on me all have been friends of mine that i knew quite well first. the only flaw is that i am/ was tied up with a very strange break-up that i couldn’t persue anything with these guys, but i still think of them all the time and what could happen if things ever cleared up with my ex.
I use this often, but I do it sincerely. If I think a girl is pretty, I usually tell her. I’ve gotten a few funny looks and eye rolls, but it’s definitely rewarding when you know you’ve flattered a girl who appreciates the compliment, and this weeds out the girls you don’t want to talk to. It’s funny, doing this can give you a 5 second sum up of the approachee’s personality. Just be honest and genuine, and if it doesn’t work… on to the next one (preferably not in the same location or around the girl you just tried this on.)
obviously the man runs his fingers through his own hair, but I can see some doofus using this line and running their fingers through the girls hair only to be slapped! epic fail!
Interestingly enough…this technique could never be more true and I pity thee idiotic deusch(guest) that for some reason felt like being an abrasive turd nugget to the lady(which is why I imagine he strikes out alot) and even sounded like he was suggesting that it didn’t work..lol…rookie…I’ve used this technique for years simply to flirt an the response it gets long after the lines have been delivered it is EXTREMELY clear..thee affects are still there(visible in thee eyes)…lol…SoOo the writer of this topic.. Your one savvy sexy women if your on to men like me
lol
so basically using cat calls at the bar.
Its nice to hear a woman give this kind of advice, I figured this out by accident when I was in love with a girl who knew it and abused it. I still noticed girls and I would tell them but I never made any further move because I truly was not interested, but I always had the option and eventually I started to use it. Still in love with that one girl but my god is it easy to get laid. Women also pick up on this and want me to fall for them, making it even easier.
How about some advice with that one girl lol?
sounds like the “one” is something like this but I get the feeling you may not like it
…good luck!
I laughed so hard while I read this. The guy I’m seeing now pulled this EXACT stunt – we’re both in design school and were working on our respective projects and I was up on a ladder futzing with something…and this guy walking by smiles and walks up closer and compliments me on my purple hat and how sweet it makes me look. I blushed, we exchanged a few more words, and he walked away. I giggled this to all my friends, thought it was the funniest thing, thought about it for days and grinned every time I saw him after that. We’re seeing each other now…and I will NEVER forget that moment!
Know what makes it REALLY work?
Find someone that you truly feel complimentary toward, and make an honest truthful compliment that you really feel, rather than a calculated maneuver “line” concocted to skip ahead to some “next” level of superficiality.
Tell her, mean it, and let it sink in with no pressure to respond in any way other than whatever she feels comfortable with. Everything in life has its own timing… let her show you hers.
How can you lose, no matter what her response is?
You meant her well, and told her truly what you find appealing about her.
Maybe that’s the beginning of what you REALLY want with her anyway…
And maybe, she will surprise you in the process!
Best of luck, I wish you well.
Honestly I have seen so many people comment that this is a shallow technique, It isn’t. Women love compliments and i would say so myself. The compliment doesn’t have to be about her looks per say, maybe you saw her do something cool, or nice. you can complement her on that. I know I like a guy who is observant of me, not creepy stalker like, but merely takes notice of me. and If i was interested and attracted as well, I would defiantly keep an eye out for him. if nothing comes out if it, it was still nice to receive a complement.
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