Are you having trouble maintaining relationships because you have a habit of self sabotaging? Many people suffer from the same problem, and lots of potentially great relationships have been destroyed because of it. Why is that? Why do we self sabotage?
The truth is, there are a million reasons why people self sabotage. They could be suffering from a mental health condition that perpetuates feelings of worthlessness or low self-esteem, or some past relationship trauma could keep them from wanting to get too close to someone new.
Why do you think you self sabotage? In this article, we’ll cover some common reasons why people do it, how you can stop it, and why you should focus on fixing the issue. After all, relationships are a huge part of our lives, whether they’re romantic, platonic, or family relationships.
Why Do People Do It?
So, why do people self sabotage? Self destructive behaviors come in many forms, from drug or alcohol abuse to lying and more, and in relationships, the breakdown of a fundamental piece of any relationship: trust.
Self sabotage usually occurs when a person has a poor self-image. They don’t believe they deserve a happy, healthy relationship, and so, they work to destroy it. Sometimes, people do it completely subconsciously, not even aware that they’re destroying the very thing they love.
Others self sabotage as a way to get to other people, but this is much more uncommon and can be the result of significant trauma or severe mental illness.
How Can You Stop?
If you’re continuously self sabotaging your relationships, is there any way to stop? The good news is that there are habits you can adopt and resources you can take advantage of to get to the root of the problem and improve your self image.
Mental Health Resources: If you’re suffering from a crippling mental health issue, it’s time to take advantage of some of the mental health resources available on and offline. There are anonymous online chat rooms you can turn to for a sense of community, and even online therapists available so you don’t have to visit an office.
Practice Self Love: While it sounds cliche, the fact is, self love can be programmed into your mind just like self loathing has been. Think about it; does a child come into the world hating themselves, or are they taught low self-esteem by those around them? The whole nurture vs. nature argument is another topic entirely, but you can change the way you view yourself.
More often than not, poor self-image comes from external factors that compound and become internal issues. You’d be amazed by how effective practicing self love can be at changing your mindset and helping you discontinue your habit of self sabotage.
Recognize Your Sabotage For What It Is: Don’t make excuses for yourself. If you’re self sabotaging, no one but you can change it. It’s your responsibility, not only for yourself, but for your current and future relationships. Think about how self sabotage affects those you love. Would you be eager to jump into a relationship with someone who’s always self sabotaging?
Think of the pain it causes on both ends of the spectrum. You further hurt yourself by destroying good relationships, and there’s plenty of collateral damage along the way as you burn bridges.
Start Small: If you try to jump in all at once and change your entire behavior pattern, you’re going to fall short. It’s best to start small, addressing one component of your self sabotage at a time. Do you lie to your partner? Start there. Think of why you always lie. Is it to protect your feelings, cover up your guilt, or manipulate people? Practice telling the truth daily, and it will become a new habit.
Look Inward: You can’t exactly solve a problem if you don’t know what it is or what’s causing it. Self reflection is the best path to improvement, so you’re going to have to face some potentially ugly truths. You might not like what you find, but rather than letting that hold you back, let it push you towards a better future.
Remember that relationships fill a great part of our lives, and it’s important that we respect the people we choose to include in our lives. If you don’t respect yourself, you’ll have trouble respecting others. It’s that simple.
Self sabotage is a habit that can be addressed and corrected. Whether it’s because of trauma, mental health conditions, or some other reason, you don’t have to be a victim of your self sabotage anymore. Take control, utilize resources and practice healthy habits of self love for better relationships. Once you improve the relationship you have with yourself, everything else will follow suit.