How To Escape Online Dating

The Well

Well well well. You fell into that pit of water, looking for fish. There’s plenty more fish in the sea, they say, but online dating is not the place to find them. Well, perhaps it is for some, however most of us belong in the other larger category of fishermen with unsatisfying pictures on our hooks that only catches the bait that leaves you on read.

How It Started

Maybe it was out of desperation. Maybe it was for a laugh despite secretly hoping you get lucky. Except it was definitely because your friends made your account for you and even wrote your bio with a quote about how frisky you get on a first date, or revealing something embarrassing about your past which is a surprisingly successful ice breaker.

It’s easy to swipe all night and get swept away in the thoughts of planning your imaginative life with people you’ve super liked who still won’t swipe back on you, but eventually the effort becomes a full time job. The effort of making an account takes little time, and if anything, spending more time on your profile only slightly increases your chances of being seen when your pictures will still do much more talking than your words will.

How It’s Going

It’s fascinating to find yourself actually talking to a girl (or guy, we don’t discriminate) you like, and connecting on some level. Perhaps your one-liner worked, or you share an interest, but either way you’re in. When suddenly, poof. Gone. The match was there yesterday, you think to yourself. Today though, it’s gone, and so is your entire conversation and all hope of starting a life together which you imagined last night. Even that funny gif she sent in response to your funny gif is gone, which is arguably the most tragic thing of all.

Ghosting is the biggest tragedy of dating, and is exclusive to the online version. Unless your real life date turns into a ghost. Then that’s just… unfortunate. Sorry. Anyway, when you’ve been ghosted, it’s either because they weren’t that interested and didn’t want to tell you; or they found someone else who they like more; or simply they weren’t who they said they were. That chick is probably a dude, bro.

How To Do It Right

Oddly enough, the first step to quitting online dating is probably to go down the route of smart dating. Ideally you need to be doing it right to know that it’s potentially wrong for you, so why not give it a proper whirl first?

First off, have a friend help you choose some flattering pictures, and make a witty bio. If in doubt, the Internet has some great ones which are reusable. Also, there’s plenty of options out there, so you want to get your parameters right so you’re finding the right people for you. Depending on which app you’re using, likely you can at least set an age limit and a gender preference. Now all you’ve got to do is be yourself, and when that doesn’t work, steal some lines off the Internet again until something works and you get stood up for an arranged date.

The Escape

Online dating sites and other social media are essentially junk food for your brain. The Internet is a great tool, and that’s what it should be primarily used for, because if you spend too much time on dating apps, then all that dopamine is going out the window. It’s best to limit your time on dating apps, or even remove them altogether and fill your time with other things.

Leaving dating apps will help you be more productive with your time, and more proactive with meeting as many people as you can (Covid-19 precautious), and that will improve your chances of, well, meeting people who are right for you. Especially if you meet them whilst partaking in hobbies. Therefore, the first and last step is: delete the app.




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I'm the resident dating expert here. I love women, believe me. Maybe a little too much, but I give great advice. Just try me.

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