I almost didn’t make it through typing the title of this article, because I got distracted by “I like my women like I like my five minute fudge” jokes. If you’re laughing as hard as I am, congratulations, you’re an insensitive asshole! As such, you likely effed up on this whole Christmas thing and have a day to come up with something thoughtful that doesn’t involve mall fistfights and empty bank accounts. Even if you aren’t, it stands to reason that there are a lot of you in this situation. What if I told you you could make exceptionally thoughtful, super impressive delicious homemade fudge from two ingredients in five minutes? While drinking a beer?! This, dear friends, is a completely plausible Christmas miracle. Five minute fudge is even darker and sweeter and easier than… Well, easier than staying focused, anyhow.