Humor

Considering 46% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, this whole divorce cake trend is one that’s probably only going to get more popular. If you haven’t yet seen a bride cake topper bludgeoning a groom to death, surrounded by a puddle of strawberry jam, you’re missing out. It seems strange to celebrate a divorce, but let’s get serious; delicious cake helps fix everything. Initially, it seemed like most cakes were centered around the woman murdering her useless husband, but these days, guys are starting to get their own tasty, tasty jabs in. While it’s a lamentable fact, let’s celebrate being single and unattached (or keep dreaming on, if you’re already hitched) by collecting the best of men’s divorce cakes.

Halloween is just around the corner, and I’ve decided to go as a ninja this year. When street battles between ninjas and samurai were a daily affair, the ninjas would act like complete d-bags and prance around tossing shurikens at the samurai before vanishing back into the shadows. It’s for this reason that ninja costumes are great, and I plan to do the ninja justice by following such an example.  Being a ninja is tough work, and I needed a bit of guidance from ninja masters who have already braved the Canadian mean streets. 

Until recently, I had no idea that the fantasy genre was so littered with anthropomorphic novels featuring telepathic cats who have sex with Lesbians. This illusion was shattered as I walked through the science fiction and fantasy section of my local bookstore. One book became the catalyst on my quest to find the very worst novels that the cat fantasy genre has to offer.

It’s really quite amazing what people are not only willing, but thrilled to write about. As you’re about to see in a moment, the results can be

I used to watch a lot of Captain Planet. I’m not actually sure why, as he had a mullet and made bad puns and hung out with a lot of ineffectual kids in his pajamas, but I guess the underlying message was a good one so it makes up for my poor judgement. When you compared Captain Planet to everything else that was going on- Ninja Turtles, Transformers, GI Joe, X-Men, Batman The Animated Series (my god did we ever have it good growing up)- it was a pretty wussy show all around. Captain Planet had the makings of a finished man, so don’t get me wrong, and environmental stewardship is super important, but dammit… overall, he just sucked. Luckily, Funny or Die has re-imagined Captain Planet as the hardcore envirogangsta he should have always been, with the help of the brilliant Don Cheadle. The power is yours, bitches.