When it comes to getting drunk, I often find myself having to make a choice… a choice between spending very little money and getting wasted at a friend’s place, or spending a lot and having a night on the town. Each choice comes with its own perks and drawbacks – buying booze at a liquor store is cheap, but drinking it at a friend’s place means you’ll probably have to make due awkwardly hitting on your female friends, or watching Anime and pretending you have a life. If you decide to hit up the local watering hole, your prospects will improve, but the cost of drinks may make the difference between having a roof over your head, or a cardboard box. But what if there’s a better way?
There is, and it’s called The Cheap Beer Tour. It’s one part research, and 4 parts cheap drunken family fun, and I do mean family. When you master the art of finding cheap dives to drink at, you’ll realize that the minimum drinking age really doesn’t apply, and that yes, that old man really will throw his teeth at you.
I was told about this practice by a good friend of mine, and it goes a little something like this…
Research – Before you drink, you need to think
If you live in the same city as your parents, ask them which bars *they* used to party at when they were young adults. Chances are those same places still exist, but are total shit-holes, and that’s what you’re looking for. If you wanted a classy place to drink, you wouldn’t be reading this. Another option is to ask local hipsters and art students. Given the constant nature of their poverty, they tend to flock towards the seedier places. You can’t buy skin tight jeans and melty sunglasses if you’re spending all your money on booze.
The List – Create your list before you’re pissed
Chances are you’ll be right drunk after your first stop – creating a list before you leave is the best way to ensure that you stop at all the places you want to visit. Once you start knocking back those $2 pints, you’ll forget all about hitting up The Funky Winker Beans, and that would be such a shame.
Night On The Town – You’ve planned your night, now do it right
You’ve done your research and found the scuzziest bars your city has to offer – now it’s time to reap the rewards. A night of headache inducing beer and chicken wings the size of rats awaits you. If you’re lucky, one of your stops will have karaoke night, and with it an opportunity to mingle with the local culture and sing your best rendition of Baby One More Time.