We’ve all seen those “walk a straight line while wearing drunk goggles” challenges on YouTube and TikTok. They always look hilarious watching someone fumble around pretending to be wasted. But what’s it actually like to wear impairment simulation goggles and try to go about your daily activities drunk? I decided to find out.
I ordered a pair of Impairment Goggles from Drunk Busters of America to get the full drunk experience. These things use special lenses to simulate visual perception at different BAC levels. I went with the 0.15+ option to get me fully sloshed.
Drunk Busters Impairment Goggles™ simulate effects of impairment, including reduced alertness, slowed reaction time, confusion, visual distortion, alteration of depth and distance perception, reduction of peripheral vision, poor judgment and decision making, double vision, and lack of muscular coordination.https://drunkbusters.com/impairment-goggle/
When those goggles arrived, I planned out a day wearing them to see if I could still function and maybe get some laughs. Spoiler alert – it went terribly! Here’s how my drunken day unfolded:
Attempt #1 – Driving My Car
I knew attempting to drive drunk was a bad idea, but I wanted to see just how hard it would be. I figured driving in my neighborhood would be safe enough. Wrong! I couldn’t even get the key in the ignition with those goggles on. My depth perception and hand-eye coordination were so off that simple tasks became impossible. I must have tried to put the key in the ignition for 5 minutes, missing it completely or hitting the steering wheel instead. The closest I came was scraping the key against the ignition, nowhere near actually inserting it. Consider me scared straight – I’m never driving buzzed again.
Attempt #2 – Grocery Shopping
Thinking a simple trip to the store couldn’t be too tough, I boldly headed to the supermarket wasted. I bumped into display stands, knocking over pyramids of cans that went crashing to the floor. Trying to push my cart in a straight line resulted in zig-zagging all over the aisle. Concerned old ladies leapt out of the way to avoid my drunken cart driving. Finding specific items on shelves was comically difficult, grabbing everything except what I needed. And checking out was a true test of patience for the cashier as I fumbled to get my wallet out, dropped my credit card on the floor, and struggled to align my coupons. Note to self – don’t drink and shop.
Attempt #3 – Cooking Lunch
Getting hungry after that arduous grocery trip, I decided to make a sandwich for lunch. I figured a simple meal couldn’t be too hard, even when drunk. Oh how wrong I was. I spilled the mustard and mayo everywhere trying to spread them, leaving a Jackson Pollock-style mess on my counter. Cutting the sandwich in half looked like it was done by a toddler, with crooked, uneven halves. And I almost ate the paper towel I used to wipe up my mess instead of the sandwich itself. I had to slap it out of my hand once I realized my mistake. Who knew making a sandwich could be such a challenge?
Attempt #4 – Scrolling Social Media
After that taxing morning, I plopped on the couch to relax and scroll through my phone drunk. This ended up being the most frustrating experience of all. Reading anything in detail was nearly impossible, with everything blurry. I accidentally liked and commented gibberish on so many things from mashing buttons I couldn’t see clearly. And trying to text friends resulted in completely incomprehensible messages filled with autocorrect fails. One friend thought I had a stroke based on my incoherent text. Drunk social media is not a good mix.
At the end of my drunk goggle day, all I gained was a headache and a sense of humility. I couldn’t imagine trying to function daily while actually being that impaired. It was comically pathetic. I highly recommend everyone tries wearing drunk goggles to scare themselves sober and appreciate how debilitating alcohol can be. I know I’ll be thinking twice next time I have more than one drink. What seemed fun and harmless was actually just sad and dangerous. Don’t drink and live, people!