What To Do When She Doesn’t Reply


I know you’ve been there.  You thought there was a connection.  She seemed really interested and couldn’t wait to give you her number.  You even allowed your thoughts to wander to “maybe she’s the one” and then…she never calls you back.  Don’t worry brochacho, it’s happened to us all.  Read on and find out the best way to handle that situation with dignity and awareness. 

What Happened? – Don’t Assume You Have All The Information

Whether it’s your email or phone call that she is not returning, don’t assume you did something wrong.  You can analyze it to death, but it may have absolutely nothing to do with you.  Her ex-boyfriend may have just decided to come back into her life, she may have just gotten assigned to a massive project at work and has lost herself, her dog may have just passed away, she may have been captured by aliens and is recovering from intensive probing…you have no idea.  The important thing to remember is to just let it go and don’t beat yourself up about it.

Yes, she could have picked up the phone to let you know she’s really busy but wants to connect.  Yes, it would’ve been the courteous thing to do.  However…shit happens.  Somewhere along the line what appeared to be a connection dissolved.  Don’t get hung up on the “what ifs.”  Move on.

The reality is that you deserve a woman with good follow through that respects and desires your courting.  Whatever the reason, if you are forgettable to her then chances you wouldn’t have developed a highly satisfying relationship with her anyway.  Don’t over-analyze it.  Move on to a woman that will truly be interested.

Just Like in Vegas – Don’t Chase Bad Money With Good Money

Don’t be the guy at the black jack table doubling his losing bets while the rest of the table has cleared out and the disinterested dealer takes hand after hand from the hapless sap.  Get up and move to the next table.

If a girl doesn’t respond to your message then she’s not interested.  If you call her and she doesn’t respond, don’t follow it up with a text message to see if she got your original.  This is undeniably desperate, does not convey the confidence that women desire and is flat out beneath you.  Chasing an uninterested girl will only lower your self esteem and leave you focused on someone not worthy of your attention.  Save your “dating capital” for a woman that’s a better investment.

Believe me…you can do better than a woman who perceives you as unworthy of a 30 second text to acknowledge your effort.

This Is A Reflection of Her, Not of You

You know what…maybe you did say something that turned her off or made her lose interest before you got started, but you tried.  You made the effort.  You put yourself out there and asked for her number/email/social media link/satellite coordinates/whatever and you allowed yourself to be vulnerable (I know…you hate that word).  Feel good about your genuine effort to connect with someone who interested you and most importantly KEEP DOING IT!  I promise you the more you try, the better you’ll get at it and the more likely you’ll be to find the right woman who will welcome your effort.  Keep your confidence high.

Don’t forget that lots of women have issues with intimacy.  Men get famously and frequently blamed for failing to let the opposite sex in, but women struggle too.  A woman who gives her number or email out to someone one night and doesn’t have the continuity of interest to return your action has issues.  Don’t allow her dysfunction to make you feel inadequate in any way.

Don’t Be Creepy or Angry

She could have handled the situation better, but she didn’t   That is no reason for you to go nuts and take any kind of creepy course of action.  If you are contemplating an action that you think might be potentially creepy, think no more…it is.

Leaving scary or frequent messages could be criminal at worst and unflattering at best.  They’re not going to change the situation.  In fact, those messages only make her more secure in her assessment of you as unworthy.  Don’t subjugate yourself and allow her to be right about you.

Take the high road and create some good dating karma by practicing compassion for her for not being as evolved and willing to take risk as you are.  You did your part.  She couldn’t answer the bell and if she gave you her info in the first place, then she’s clearly confused about what she wants.  Move on.

Dating can be a series of false starts, hiccups and challenging situations.  Use the journey as an opportunity to learn about yourself and step you closer to the person you want to be with.


  1. shyguy says

    her not replying after you got her number is nothing! the real problem is when she disappears after 3 months of (seemingly) very good dating

  2. lil lady says

    I”m a woman. 27 years old. A lot of women, my girl friends included, might not respond right away or in a couple days because she doesn’t want the guy to think she’s desperate. She wants to be in a position of power. It is way more common for a guy to not respond as readily as the woman, and women are catching onto that. We are retreating and trying to act more like the “cool” one that doesn’t “need you”. So the article isn’t quite so simple. But I love that men think this way. Women would never think a guy to beat themselves up over a woman not calling them. Helped me open my eyes to the importance of just responding when you want to, and that playing the game.. isn’t so much of a good thing. Or necessary thing.

  3. Jean says

    I hate the beginning stages of an early relationship! I don’t really like the dating part period. It’s all high school to me. You put forth all the energy to get the girls number and you call, you get a date. After that first date the mind games begin. Then you start playing the wondering game. I wonder if she got my text, gees I sent it an hour ago. I wonder if she wants a second date? Hmm she did kiss me goodnight. I wonder if her x-boyfriend came back into the picture.And on and on! This whole stupid rule that you have to call or text back after a certain time is throwing a lot of people off and it’s causing relationships not to grow into something meaningful! Wheover invented these so called rules of texting and calling after the first date should be shot and then catapulted into the sea! I don’t have the time required to wonder IF. I don’t like the idea that I have to wonder period. If she doesn’t respond to me after the first text. It’s over! Girls you need to add this info to your notes. Most guys don’t like playing the wonder game!

    • matthew says

      i agree. im so over that fact that i have to live with this so called “game” women play. if we did this to them they will be saying the something. i want a girl to be honest, fuck my feelings i want the truth is that so hard for them to do it?. it it hurts them then they can get over it like we all do because im just so mad and over this. i had to wait 3 days for an email 3 sentences long so i got an anwser back! come one!. its been like 4 days since i last sent an email to her and nothing. i feel as if to destroy what i have so i can move on. WOMEN NEED TO STOP THIS GAME.

      • Faisal says

        Women will never stop these game, so you gotta play it too and NEVER be the nice guy. There is a reason for the saying “nice guys finish last”. Women may say they want a nice guy, but in reality, they love being played and tortured, so you gotta give em what they want 😉

  4. John says

    This helps me a lot.. but the fact is to let it go.. to let her go.. I still wonderin’ why she says she was interested in me and complimented me, but suddenly she stops send me back..
    That looses our faith in women..

    • Amanda says

      I am just going over a break up from a relationship that never got started. We kissed and had sex then he went dark. It was not only cruel but rude and evil. because this man had sworn he wanted an exclusive serious relationship. We had been seen at work for 2 years B4 we starTed to date. He got what he wanted and disappeared. Some people suggested his phone broke or something effed up. I say he is a dick. People see their texts almost immediately as well as their emails. They choose to play with their own feelings and others. They do not admit that they are interested or disinterested! They just leave you wondering. That’s is effed up and a person like that is not work pursuing. If a person does not return your email within A day and your text within 8hrs then BE READY TO MOVE ON because I have found a pattern in my BAD relationships to be the same..if ppl start playing with you, they wilalways b playing with you. Please don’t put yourmind to their disposal. no YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THE SAME THEY DO because we people who are ready to be upfront clear and honest should not change our ways to get crooked like this ppl who are petty and false to their real feelings. 2 are needed to create a game..please I beg you. Change this generation of fools and do not play any kind of game..the truth is better always. Guys do not just go dark. Give women the respect and closure they need ..it is just far. .women do the same. ..respect each other right to heal and move on. Guys if you just want sex, ask for it ..do not manipulate women with false pretenses…it is cruel and mean. Someday someone will do it with u. If you dance with the devil games don’t complain for waking up in hell…be honest ..be congruent with your mind,heart and actions!!! Grow up! Be a man and a woman!! If you are interested show it! If you loose inte rest say it! If you’re unsure express it! We both need to stop play games because I fell in love and the pain of being in the dark is unbearable…I didn’t do anything deceptive to be left this way…but he just wanted to play me and it was not fair..please think about the others..stop being selfis and shallow…

  5. Tgurl says

    This is a great article. I think ppl get lost in the moment and in this society especially does moments dont always mean much. Sadly some genuine people may think it was real but it wasnt more than a moment and sometimes you have to let that go.

    Remember many times ppl are drinking and under the influence and the next day they wake up thinking fak what did I do lastnight? So that may be a good reason why she doesn’t care to respond, it just didnt mean anything to her and thats ok.it happens, you tried and now just move on.

  6. Jacob says

    How funny I have this girl I met at a party we got together and the next day hanged out and we kept Doing the same thing for 3 weeks already we said we would talk and we acted like bf/gf but this Friday till Monday she hasn’t replied? Or answer my call I called her 2wice

  7. Alex says

    Went on a date last week and thought it went great. We both connected, spent the whole day doing things together, spoke non-stop, and treated each other over stuff. Emailed her the pictures of the trip the next day and she replied right away. We sent a couple more messages back and forth until the last one I sent which asked her on a 2nd date. After that I haven’t gotten any reply for 4 days now. Not sure if she’s playing a game or just ignoring, but it was a blow to my ego. So ladies, maybe gaming would work on some men, but there are guys like me who won’t care for it. I have decided to move on, regardless of if she contacts me again or not.

  8. TimmieTee says

    Well written, basically if there’s no followup, there’s no interest. I like the poker table analogy– don’t double down, and double your losses. Move on!

  9. HAC says

    Resturant girl was teasing me and messing with me for quite a while. She’s younger. She even would take a break and sit with me. She’s a manager. She was real busy that morning so I slipped her my number. A week later she called me. The call was fadeing in and out. I was on the expressway at 70mph. I asked if I could call later. I did. She was in a parking lot trying to get out. She is studying to be a med tech and is also working. She said she would call back. She did not. I called a few days later and left a message. It’s been two weeks. This is the best article I have seen on this subject. I can only conclude I’ve been thrown under the bus.

  10. jerry says

    Men, i met this girl,she’s Nice, but honestly men I think she has issues,little arguments make her wanna leave,she might happy now and the next few hours she might start crying without no reason,the last time we met, she was at ma house, we were having a nice time that night and we got into a little argument, she dressed up and told me to go drop her off at her house, that’s the last I heard from her, she said I am her Bf and we have been together for over a month and still doesn’t know her room, or her apt number,what do I do?

  11. the other alex says

    i work with this girl. talked to her for about a half hour one day, and over a hour the week after. she took her break when i was goin on mine. she was asking me questions, laughing, talking, smiling, and touching. we go inside and i ask for her number and she gives it to me almost immediatly. i texted her that night told her to drive safe. didnt hear from her for 3 days. i bought a pizza for lunch together and she took off from work 10 mins before it got delivered. havnt heard from her in a week. what does this mean and what should i do?

  12. Mark says

    I hate these stupid games women play! No matter what you do for them they NEVER seem to be happy. I dated a woman for two years. We went away on holiday together and everything seemed to be fine. Three days later she dumped me by email. No reason, no explanation, she just told me we were incompatible. I tried to talk it out with her but she would not reply to my texts, emails or phone calls. I walked away. Three months later I receive a letter from her saying she was sorry for being ‘cruel’ to me and that she was missing me. I recontacted her. We seemed to be getting back together again. Last month was her birthday. I bought her a small gift with a card. Two weeks later it was my birthday. What did I get from her? No card, no gift, just a “Happy Birthday” on Facebook. I have not heard from her since. My last three texts have now gone unanswered. This time I’m walking away for good. It just shits me how after two years of good times together a woman can suddenly decide that she wants to test you and dump you without reason. Then when she reaches out to you and you both reconnect again that she can then cast you away again without another thought or reason!!! It hurts like hell and sickens me to think of all that time I wasted with her. At least she finally revealed herself as the heartless bitch she is!

  13. Hustle hard says

    I like this a lot. I’m fairly successful dating wise, of course I get the odd setback and it stings!

    I try to not cede too much control of my life to a random girl am looking to date.

    If she does not respond and/or act as if she is doing me a favour, it’s off the table. I actually had one girl chase after me after I’d conceded defeat due to her giving me the run around. that but her antics had put me of. No thanks.

    To be honest some folks are bonkers and why would I want a girl that would only make my life a misery due to her issues? Nein

  14. Chris says

    Had 3 dates with a girl. Each one better than the last. By the last date she said that i passed all her “tests”. Eg.. Got approval from her friend, wasnt cheap, gave change to a homeless guy. — anyways, after our 3rd date she tells me that ive impressed her so much on each date and that she wants to be my girl.. Lots of kissing and petting on all 3 dates and i asked her to come home with me on each one. Working each time tho..
    Next day i text her to let her know how fun the 3rd date was. — two days later now and no reply.

    Im in now way hurt. And it might not even be over yet but it wouldnt surprise me if it were. Truth is, Ive seen too many flakes to ever be hurt by them again. Best thing to do is forget and move on. Who cares? Shes obviously immature and doesnt know what she wants.

    Everyone needs to experience flakey girls. So you lose respect in women and then you treat them worse. Easier on you, and it gets rhem excited when you treat them like doormats.

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