When I started writing this article, I intended to create a list of the crappiest men’s Halloween costumes that I could find, and that really wasn’t very difficult. The internet is full of them – you need look no further than HalloweenExpress to find a slew of costumes featuring men with sad mustaches licking lolly pops, and people called Gabba Gabba… Lance… rock – whatever that even means.
Instead of boring you with more of the same, I’ve decided to show you a collection of the “classiest” costumes the internet has to offer. All of these are men’s costumes, but many of them feature women, farm animals, and other assorted accessories that are probably better left to the imagination of furries and 4chan readers.
I realized early on that most of the models showing off these costumes sport douche-bag names, such as Chad or Brad. I can’t quite make out the caption of the petting zoo, but I think it says something like “Llama spits”. What man wants to imply that his penis is like a llama? Llamas are such angry smelly creatures.
This woman is… down for the count, GET IT??? One man getting sucked off by a midget while a very erect camp leader watches satisfied. Editor’s note: The Count is based on one of our very own writers; can you guess who?
I’m not sure what’s worse, a frat boy requesting people rub his “lamp”, or a man banging a sheep while wearing shoes he stole from the set of Romper Stomper.
Looks like the Sperm Bank is running low… he must have used the jizz from his compadre’s ”fire hose” to create his authentic Guido hairstyle. Fill ‘er up!
I’ve looked at this dozens of times and I still can’t quite figure out what’s wrong with the woman’s legs and arms. I think the ring toss guy agrees with me as well – he seems to be getting a bit limp there.
If you’re looking for costumes based on a frat boy’s wet dream, look no further than costumesupercenter.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
You’ve GOT to be shitting me!! To call these “The Classiest Halloween Costumes – Men’s Edition”… by “Chad”. OMG, what tripe!
Halloween may have it’s sexual flavor like spices added to a tasty stew but the whole idea behind Halloween is scary, not unabashedly, overtly sexual. And class? I see very little here. The title was obviously written by it’s author to paint the view you get of his choices as something to be wished for and agreed with. From me he gets neither. And that his Editor allowed this posting is a sad comment on his ability to perform his job properly as well. Or could it be that the whole site’s concept is so slanted that way that it only epitomizes their POV. Your call…
Hey J,
Thanks for taking the time to read my article and reply. I do have a question, though. Do you genuinely believe that I wrote this post in a serious and non-sarcastic manner? Do you truly believe that I actually find these costumes “classy”? Is it not possible that perhaps I’m merely highlighting how absolutely absurd many of the costumes on the market are?
Something to think about.
You’re partially right, this IS a blog and is opinion based. If you want stories/news with no opinions, maybe you should visit the good folks at FOX News, I hear they’re great
Anthony, I think you are the best troll ever; clearly you wrote this comment to paint the view of your opinions as something to be wished for and agreed with. A lot of thought went into this rebuttal and I’m certainly amused by it; I bet you think we’re too stupid to appreciate the subtle nuances of your humour, but I’m here to tell you at least one of us got it, ok?
Sincerely,
a completely slanted contributor,
“Gina”
LOL, greatest stuff for halloween.