It can’t be that often that US President Barack Obama and Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne have been paired together. Global politicians and laddish ex-footballers / soccer players don’t – in the normal scheme of things – tend to crop up in the same conversation. In many respects it’s difficult to see what the pair have in common – until you touch on the subject of tears.
Tears are what unite the leader of the Western world and England’s most talented – if wayward – post-war footballer / soccer player. In 1990, Paul Gascoigne’s tears in the World Cup semi-final (when he realised his booking would rule him out of a possible final) were seen as a cultural tipping point. Suddenly, on the back of a nation’s huge affection for an iconic athlete, men were permitted to shed public tears in a way that previously had been seen as a matter of shame and weakness.
Roll forward a quarter of a century and we have the quite incredible sight of the US President speaking from a White House Podium with tears running down his cheeks. And, importantly, his tears are seen as a sign of his strength of conviction and the depth of his passion to save young lives from gun crime rather than any personal weakness.
Most of us, of course, don’t get to play on the grand stage. World Cup semi-finals and White House briefings are not part and parcel of our humbly less public lives. But that is not to say that we cannot learn from these iconic figures.
Emotional strength
The capacity to access and express emotion has always been a strength – even if culturally it has not always been seen in that light. Psychologists talk about repression and the damage that quashing our deeper impulses can inflict, whilst it is a contemporary cliché that our girlfriends, wives and partners are continually left wanting by our seeming inability to communicate freely and fully within the terms of a relationship.
The solid, independent and emotionally cool notion of masculinity that pervades our culture – from comic book heroes to rock ‘n’ roll stars, Olympic champions and Hollywood big hitters – is not an ideal that we should aspire to if we want to make the most of our romantic relationships.
If there is one thing that our partners crave from us more than anything, it is the sense of being cared for, of being special (in a wholly personal and emotional manner) and even, dare we say it, of being loved.
Help is at hand
Finding the tools to be able to sustain and affirm that attachment on terms that are meaningful for our partners rather than ourselves is something that more and more men are seeking help with. All too often our role models are not up to the task. Professional guidance can be sought from relationship specialists such as TheCircle who can begin to show us the way to becoming more expressive and better lovers and partners in our own right. All it takes is someone to help us make a first step.
Admiring from afar the raw emotional honesty of Paul Gascoigne and Barack Obama is just the start. Giving expression to our own deeper sentiments is something that may make us feel uncomfortable in prospect, but the truth is it will make for richer and more fulfilling relationships. It will also make each of us a happier, stronger and a better man.
