Thanks to romantic comedies and novels, many of us have been conditioned to think that the best relationships involve many large, romantic gestures. However, most relationships aren’t like that. The sum of your romantic relationship is made up of many small moments between one another. Are those big romantic gestures even necessary?
A Time and a Place
There is room in the relationship for these kinds of grand gestures. But it’s unwise to think that they should be repeated over and over throughout the years of a particular relationship. Certain times in the relationship may call for something overly romantic, like when you’re asking her to marry you or on your wedding day. You may want to spring for a large romantic gesture on an anniversary or on Valentine’s Day, but it’s not wise to try to make all of these special occasions something that involves a big romantic move.
Impossible Expectations
What happens if you get into the mindset of making your relationship dependent on large gestures is that you set up an expectation that those kinds of gestures will always be made. You’ll feel like you’re constantly trying to top yourself, innovate, or do something special and different. That’s not necessary to maintain a healthy and romantic relationship.
Creating those kinds of expectations gives you a relationship that is impossible to satisfy. One of the most common problems women deal with in relationships is unfulfilled expectations. So, if you’re constantly setting high expectations, you will have a disappointed significant other.
It’s unhealthy for the relationship to hinge on grand gestures because there is a constant push to make these happen, even when it’s not feasible.
The Expense Will Kill You
Grand romantic gestures can be extremely costly. Buying the largest teddy bear, purchasing a thousand long-stem roses, taking a romantic getaway, or some other big gesture can cost a lot of money. Certainly, not everybody can afford those romantic gestures more than once, much less regularly. Most people will quickly find that if they try to constantly one-up themselves or create big romantic gestures all the time, they will put themselves into serious debt. They’ll think it’s necessary to keep their spouse or significant other happy, so they’ll justify the excessive spending and not learn a better way of keeping the relationship healthy and happy.
The Failure of the Day to Day
When someone constantly does big romantic gestures, they often think they don’t need to do the small things to make the relationship work. So, end up sitting back and relaxing when they should be working. They take a lot of time for themselves because they think they’ve earned it by doing those big romantic gestures. This can create a very unstable relationship that’s always up and down. Then, it’s usually the man who thinks they need to rescue the relationship by doing something that’s grand and romantic. This is incredibly problematic, and once again, it creates false expectations. It makes the man think he needs to go bigger each time and provide more frequent big gestures.
Try for Smaller Gestures
A healthy relationship comprises a constant stream of giving and taking. It takes two people to be good givers and loving toward each other for a relationship to work. This has to happen constantly for the relationship to be maintained. Several tent poles of big gestures do not hold up a good and healthy relationship. Instead, it’s created by a solid and continuous framework of small, steady acts of kindness.
Instead of going for the big gestures, try to be consistent in your kindness and do things like wash the dishes, take out the trash, sweep the floors, make food for one another, make up the bed you share, and do each other’s laundry. These things make life easier for the other person and make you feel accomplished and satisfied because you’re doing something nice for them.
Think about it this way- can you be healthy if you eat one large weekly meal? No, you need several regular-size meals to stay healthy. Your relationship requires the same kind of steady diet.
Go for Mid-Range Gestures
Instead of trying to one-up yourself with grander and grander romantic gestures, try something that’s more middle-of-the-road. So, instead of a weekend getaway, try hiring a cleaning service to make the house look spotless. Instead of purchasing a whole library for your loved one, try buying a beautiful edition of their favorite book. Instead of a meal at a fancy restaurant you can’t afford, try a mid-priced restaurant where there’s not as much pressure on you financially.
If you’re doing gestures like this every so often, you keep the relationship interesting if that’s what you’re going for. You’ll realize that you don’t have to make grand gestures to make your loved one happy. This helps bring their expectations down to a reasonable level and keeps things from getting out of control.
Budgeting Is Important
As you plan romantic things, keep your budget in mind and consider doing things that don’t cost any money, like taking a walk, spending time with friends, having a game night, or cooking dinner together from what you already have in your cupboards.
You may think that money should be no obstacle when you’re trying to express your love. However, most fights in relationships occur over finances, so it’s wise to plan your spending carefully and not go overboard in your romantic gestures. Keep that in mind as you try to keep the fire burning in your relationship and do your part to be romantic.
