Thom Browne 2012 – MOAR Spikes, MOAR Football Pads!

When it comes to men’s fashion, I’m not too picky; if you’re not decked out in Ed Hardy douchebaggery and your clothing generally fits and is clean, I won’t overtly complain. That being said, when I saw the Thom Browne 2012 men’s lineup, it reached through my monitor and punched me square in the junk. I scrolled through the images, picturing a horrific orgy where Herman Munster and Rorschach tag team Tank Girl and Pris from Blade Runner. Outside of the terrifyingly mangled offspring they’ve obviously produced here, I mourn the desecration of a cool cadre of characters. If you’re feeling up to it, browse the Thom Browne 2012 men’s catwalk for your favorite…fashions/lumpy spiky monstrosities.herman munster pris rorschach tank girl

Thom Browne 2012 – If You Think the ‘Regular’ Clothing Line Will Be Any Better, Think Again

It took me four tries to write this post without beginning with the eloquent line: “What the fucking fuck.” The draft had been sitting around with those four words sitting on the page, daring me to come up with a better description of what Browne’s produced. I went to Thom Browne’s site, desperately hoping that this was once again the age old case of fashion- that the runway lineup was an extreme extrapolation of the clothing meant to grab your attention and challenge your notion of what’s ‘new’ and ‘exciting’. Unfortunately, try as I might to find evidence to the contrary, the suit-utilikilt, man mirkin, plaid cropped fuzzy sweater is all the rage this season. Truly, a more confusing and unmanly lineup is ne’er to be found. It’s as though after the godawful aforementioned one night freaky sexathon, all of the resulting insane male children fought safety pin duels in the hopes of proving manly dominance and ended up throwing each other off some cliffs, Sparta style.

thom browne 2012 plaid suit
Correctly guess the amount of different plaid prints, win a prize set of sweaty football pads.
thom browne 2012 weird suit
Nothing sets off your hellishly spiked fetish gimp mask like an adorable puppy dog print.
thom browne 2012 huge suit
For the brooding business man who feels passing through the door to a better career is simply too easy.
browne 2012 striped suit
They've really upped the quality of striped prison wear for psychotic serial killers; this is reminiscent of Marge Simpson's famous Chanel suit.
browne 2012 short shirt
Your first glimpse of the man-fur-mirkin. I apologize if you have to look up what a mirkin is before finding it in this picture.
browne 2012 fuzzy sweater
If you've ever wanted to look like a goth on steroids whose mother shrank his Sunday suit, Thom Browne UNDERSTANDS YOU.
brown 2012 duck shirt
There's that mirkin again. It's amazing that with everything else going on with this outfit I'm most traumatized by the tribble slinking out of his pants.
thom browne 2012 printed suit
For the giant, terrifyingly misshapen man: cutesy prints and a safety helmet will help you better adapt to your everyday environment.
browne 2012 spiked suit
It's like Alfalfa managed to sneak into the orgy in the ensuing chaos.
thom browne 2012 pink and green suit
"Quick- we almost blundered into making a normal suit! DEFCON FOUR: GREEN"
browne 2012 pink and green
"Much better."
thom browne 2012 green sweater
I give this man credit for almost looking threatening, considering he suffers from a disfiguring joint disease and an unhealthy love of pastel pink.
browne 2012 plaid jacket
A white tribble kept in the crotch area is actually unsavoury sexual code for "Beam me up, Scotty!"
thom browne 2012 christmas print
Don't forget essential holiday wear.
thom browne 2012 striped sweater
This sweater couldn't be any more practical- not only is it a man dress, it has tear away buttons. Easiest. Access. Ever.
thom browne 2012 giant shoulder pads
I imagine the seamstresses weeping in a corner rocking back and forth and cradling heads with bleeding, empty eye sockets and sobbing, "Buttons...the buttons...MORE BUTTONS"
thom browne 2012 dog print jacket
Gimp suits should profess all of your interests, not just kinky sex. This man not only enjoys being whipped- he likes walking his dog and sailing his yacht.
browne 2012 sailing sweater
Proper boating attire is paramount. Just ask T-Pain.
thom browne 2012 spike stripes
This man has opted for a 'natural look' mirkin to offset his flashy pyramid studs.
browne 2012 plaid suit
This suit is as close to normal as you'll get, at least until you realize that the jacket arms are growing some sort of mold.
browne 2012 plaid cropped jacket
I can only imagine that these outfits are meant to be visual-impaired friendly. All of the studs are aides for the blind, leading right back to the all important mirkin. If you think I'm going to let up on the pubic fur jokes, you should just leave now.
thom browne 2012 puffy vest
Since there's a look for every occupation, Browne has assured equal opportunity by making sure to include the "Drug Dealer Puffy Vest"
browne 2012 striped sweater
Even the models look like they want to kill themselves with their powerful Popeye forearms for being photographed in this stuff.
browne 2012 oversized suit
You totally thought this last one would be normal until you scrolled down, didn't you?




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Author, Designer, and "that girl your mother warned you about." Looking good seems to be my job, whether it's working with the site design, or a number of other more interesting capacities. I have a ridiculous sense of humour and a brutal sense of honesty- you'll see a lot of that coming through in my writing, so don't say I didn't warn you if I somehow manage to offend you AND hurt your feelings at the same time. On the plus side, it makes my dating and advice columns a lot more pertinent to an unfinished man in the real world.

7 comments on “Thom Browne 2012 – MOAR Spikes, MOAR Football Pads!”

  1. you ever think the whole fashion industry is just alot of people all to afraid of looking uncool/unhip by actually saying how stupid the designs all look that they put these runway shows on for?


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