Mike writes a recurring column every other Thursday in The Unfinished Man and is the CEO and Founder of My Online Dating Consultant
The best and worst thing about dating in the 21st century is you have tons of choices. The trick is knowing when to jump off the dating carousel and invest the time in getting to know someone better. Consider the following when making that key decision.
Dating In Our Parents’ Era
When our parents were young and single, dating was much simpler. A man basically met a woman through their small circle of friends or co-workers. They dated exclusively and if she wasn’t too annoying, came from a decent family and knew how to cook his favorite dish…he proposed and that was that.
As time went on, the young couple had to work out any differences between the two of them as divorce was taboo and would be frowned upon by their family and the general community. They had to sit down at the table and figure out a way to make things work because they swore that this was “till death do us part.”
While this methodology could be perceived as limiting, in some ways it fostered communication and truly spending time to get to know your partner. Options were limited, so you had to figure it out.
Technology Meets Romance
With the explosion of online dating and the relaxing of the stigma and societal deviance of divorce, everything has changed. Online dating has allowed singles to no longer be dependent on their immediate social circle to provide eligible matches. There are literally thousands of potential matches at your fingertips every time you open your laptop.
While options are rarely viewed as a drawback, there are some subtle dangers to all of the choices that online dating offers. All of a sudden, perceived options are limitless. You don’t ever have to work out anything or make any sacrifices in what you want because there’s always someone else waiting on deck.
When do you stop?
Eyes On The Prize – Why Did You Sign Up In The First Place?
Many guys that sign-up for online dating do so to meet some new women and ultimately find someone special to spend time with and perhaps spend their life with. However, as the process ensues many lose sight of the ultimate goal of connecting with one amazing woman. They fall in love with the ego massage and excitement of dating lots of different women.
When guys arrive at that first date, often our expectations are a bit too high. We expect a ready-made, perfect woman that is going to answer every question just like we want, who isn’t going to bring any residual damage from previous relationships (or even other online dates) and is going to offer us everything we’ve been looking for. Of course we demand this, because if she’s not overwhelmingly amazing and sparkling on that first date…then there’s an email inbox full of seemingly perfect matches waiting for us when we get home.
This is a dangerous trap to fall into.
Pre-packaged Perfection Does Not Exist
While it may be tempting to just move on to the next attractive girl that emailed you, consider sticking around to get to know that date that was only a 6 out of 10 on your date scale. It takes time for women to feel comfortable and really let their greatness come out.
A first date is simply an opportunity to get to know someone. You’re not really going to be able to tell if she’s a great match from just one date. If you felt there was a bit of a connection, give yourself a chance to see her in another setting where she feels confident that you are interested (from your phone call after date 1). You’ll likely be surprised with what you find.
She Has Had Some Bad Experience(s) Before You
If you think I’m being too forgiving, consider the following. Any girl that is doing online dating has had some creepy guy either say or do something totally inappropriate, make her feel threatened or unsafe, or feel like online dating is too random and not for her. This small cross section of bad apple men make it so much harder for the good intentioned, genuine guys to break through that protective layer that women project.
With good reason, women have to be on the defensive to assure that they won’t be in a compromised or uncomfortable place. They will be on guard, because no matter how many emails you’ve exchanged…she doesn’t know you yet.
I agree…it sucks that there’s another layer of pensiveness that we have to break through to really experience these women, but it’s part of the process. Be patient and understand this flaw in the dating progression and you’ll really shine in comparison to your dating competition.
Know When To Get Off The Carousel
Don’t forget why you signed up for an online dating sight. Don’t fall in love with the attention. Spend time and energy getting to know someone that inspires you. If you go out on a few dates and you’re enjoying yourself, don’t be afraid to communicate that to her. You can always take your online dating profile down and put it back up if things don’t work out. However, if you’re not truly present in your dating process and get caught up in trying to date as many women as possible you may just miss out on a lifetime partner.
If you need help presenting yourself in a way that will attract the right kind of women, you are in luck. The author of this article created a company to provide you help in reenergizing your approach. Check out My Online Dating Consultant . This guy really knows what he’s talking about when it comes to online dating and you can put him to work for you! My Online Dating Consultant will tailor an online dating profile for you that is both honest and alluring to those you want to attract and offers you online dating help to make you an online dating success. Seriously, what are you waiting for?
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