Hello…Is It Me You’re Looking For?

Mens-Online-Dating-Advice

Lionel Richie is a straight-up generation separator.  For those of you in your 40’s and 50’s you’ll think of Lionel in his sequined head banded Commodores days when he was actually cool.  For those from my generation (born in the 70’s), you’ll look back with some embarrassment that you shared Lionel’s enthusiasm for “Dancing on the ceiling” without really taking any time to consider what the hell he was talking about.  For the rest of you…he’s just Nicole Richie’s Dad.

Running into this classic photo, inspired this blog post about finding that one who “is looking for you”.  This is that romantic notion of soulmates that is so aggressively and without remorse crammed down our throats with every epic Hollywood movie and story of undeniable love.

Let’s leave this overly romanticized version of love to the ladies and instead realize that finding your life partner is all about two key components: timing and readiness.

Timing is Everything

In my opinion, there’s more than one soulmate out there for everyone.  However, there is only one soul man out there and that is one C. Thomas Howell in the classic 80’s cheeseball comedy.  But I digress, soulmates are not exactly a dime a dozen, instead there are many women that could make you extremely happy.  It is merely a question of when you meet them.  You probably have met loads of great women in your lifetime that you were simply out of sync with.  Perhaps you were more focused on your career, or getting yourself situated in a new city at other times in your life.  Make no apologies for this, but recognize that if you’re evolving then your ambitions should be as well.  If you’re living life fully, the desires of a 22 year old man should not be the same as those of a 35 year old…ok let’s say most of them. J

I’m sure we can all reflect back on ex-girlfriends that may very well have been great partners in life, but we just were not ready for that kind of engagement at that time.  I’m a firm believer that you can’t control the timing of life and when you are truly ready, that amazing woman will come your way.  Timing is out of your hands so let’s focus on what you can affect:  your readiness.

Ready, set…

You’re readiness to be with someone special is the most important element of dating successfully.  Readiness is comprised of three critical components: self confidence, experience and mindset.

#1 Confidence- You must be feeling good about yourself to even have a glimmer of hope of dating success.  Get your internal house in order and your life will be elevated in more ways than you can imagine.  You will also draw more attractive women who will pick-up on your energy.  This confidence will allow you to know that you can feel good without anyone and will increase your likelihood of assessing women objectively as adding to your life or not.

#2 Experience – Sure, it is possible to marry your high school sweetheart and living happily ever after surrounded by your white picket fence.  However, for most of us we have a bevy of experiences in life through our 20’s including travel, career growth/change, re-set goals/ambitions and a number of relationships with women.  Those relationships inevitably fell short of what we wanted in a life partner, but provided valuable insight into what we need and want out of someone we’ll spend our life with.  Use those experiences as a necessary and valuable prequel to your next relationship.

#3 Mindset – If you’re not ready for a relationship then don’t get in one!  Don’t be bullied into being with someone simply because you’ve been with them a certain amount of time or you feel it’s the right thing to do.  Great lifelong connections start when you’re in the right mindset.  You should be ready to receive someone that’s going to make your life better, complement your personality and be your partner in crime.

No, this entry is not a revolutionary piece of ground breaking dating philosophy.  Nor is it simply an excuse for me to make dated 80’s pop culture references.  What it is, is an opportunity for you to consider how you are approaching dating and if you’re in the right place to receive and asses the women coming into your life.

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