As a denizen of the internet, and the type of person who follows a site like Unfinished Man, I’m going to assume that you’ve seen the How it Feels video that Google recently released for their Google Glass project. If not, I’ve included the video below, which should explain the whole affair in short order.
How it Feels…
Basically, it’s a device that makes the wearer’s life one of action and adventure. Sky diving and bull riding will become a way of life for you, and you’ll also likely be given a child to swing around in circles as well. Don’t ask me, I don’t make the rules!
Garrus Vakarian likes Google Glass too.
Now, for the rest of you, what did you think of the video? Glass reminds me of the targeting visors that characters in the Mass Effect games wear, but you know… a bit more pedestrian. It’s like your favorite pair of Ray-Bans, but packed with the latest and greatest apps and features. But the question is, what exactly are those features, and what’s the proper etiquette for wearing one of these things?
Google Glass – A World of “Amateur Videos” and Awkwardness
We know from a recently article on The Verge that we’ll have all the staples we know and love from our Android phones, like maps and photo functionality, and we also know that you’re going to look like a bit of a head case wearing this as you speak to Mr. Glass in hushed tones, passersby offering sideways glances at your strange behavior. Perhaps they’ll think you’re a little messed up in the head, or maybe they’ll be curious. I know I am, and that’s what I’m here to discuss today… the future of Google Glass, or more specifically, what I believe that future will be. I have a great many theories about the kinds of things that people will use it for, and since I’m almost always spot on about these things, you should probably listen up.
Getting Ass with Google Glass
History tells us that the moment someone announces a new technology, people immediately search for creative ways to bend it towards their sexual needs and desires. We saw it with the wheel, we saw it when the Russian’s invented horses back in 1627, and more recently, we’ve seen it with 3D printing. Who would have thought? Well, I would have… you see, I know exactly what people are going to use Google Glass for: adult videos.
No, I’m not talking about videos featuring adult men and women riding bikes or playing tennis, I’m talking about a certain bedroom activity that involves two or more people putting certain things into certain places and probably grunting while they do it. What better use for Google Glass than “amateur” video?
Hell, both participants could record each other with Google Glass at the same time! If they wanted to get even more creative, they could stream the video to their partner while they’re going at it. It would almost be like having sex with one’s self! We’ll be in for some Strange Days indeed!
Social Etiquette, Dating and Beyond
I think it’s safe to assume you’re going to find a sexual undertone to the rest of this article, because that’s how I roll… so with that in mind, have you considered what it will be like to say, go on dates from now on? Google Glass is a sure thing, and like all Google products, I’m confident it’s going to become a pervasive part of our society, so… how do you think it will change the classic dinner date?
Well, I think that a few things are going to happen. I think that people are going to create dating apps much like we saw in this video which provide the wearer with “negs” and other useful bits of information to help them get
laid. I think that’s really a given, since pick up artist videos from the likes of “Mystery” and his ilk are getting a little long in the tooth. This would be the perfect way for them to instill their wonderfully genuine dating advice to a whole new generation of sad and desperate men.
On the up side, I think Glass will make the classic “texting under the table out of boredom” a whole lot easier for women who are being subjected to the endless wash of pre-canned phrases that their date is reading from his PUA app. So let’s call this one a wash.
Speaking Bad French Will Get Easier
As an English speaking fellow living in a predominantly French speaking part of the world, I think the translation features of Google Glass will make my life a whole lot easier. Instead of awkwardly glancing down at my phone for just the right phrase, or – heaven forbid – actually trying to remember a bit of French, I can simply halt alarmingly in front of the sales person at the electronic store and say “Okay Glass, how do I say ‘where the new Androind phones at?” and it will pop up in front of my eyes, ready to be spewed forth from my ignorant anglophone lips. Perfect for traveling and impressing the locals!
Into the Future!
With Google planning to release Google Glass before the end of 2013, it seems we’re going to be thrust boldly into a very interesting future a whole lot sooner than I expected. Will it bring us a whole lot of high quality amateur POV videos, or will we see something more… something that brings us all together like the heartwarming video would have us believe. A world of daring and adventure, and beautiful moments captured on film without the necessity of an unwieldy camera to record it all. Personally I’m hoping for all of the above, awkward dating included.
Yes, Google Glass has the potential to create some very interesting scenarios both inside the bedroom and without, and I for one will be first in line to get one when Google releases them later this year.
(Photo by Unknown, Something Awful, Eyes so Green, Cornell University, Mateoutah, Unknown)
Hahahahaha..those sex pics are seriously hilarious. Awesome post!
Thank you! I had a lot of fun “enhancing” them as well. 😛