Whether you’ve just got out of a long term relationship and are struggling to get back in the game, or you’re a long term singleton whom romance had ;long eluded, it can be difficult making that difficult and all important first contact. When you first meet a potentially special lady (or gentleman) it’s all too easy to become a ball of raw nervous energy. Your mouth goes dry, your palms get sweaty and your tongue ties itself up in knots making you feel for all the world like a spotty, awkward 14 year old version of you. You want to work up the courage to make a romantic advance, but whenever you so much as consider it, your confidence unilaterally abandons you. This can exacerbate any feelings of self hatred or inadequacy you may have.
Your friends, bless ‘em, aren’t that helpful either. “Just be yourself!” they say reassuringly with a smile and a clap on the back. This is all well and good, but you feel like “yourself” is just a roiling mass of neuroses and body hair! You’ve no idea where to begin. Do you try breaking the ice with a pick up line to show that you have a sense of humor about yourself or do you try to play it cool? Do you dress to impress, or do you opt for something more casual? It’s not uncommon to obsess over the minutiae but the simple truth is that your friends are right… You should just be yourself. But you should also be happy and confident in who yourself is.
Of course there are no right or wrong ways to do this, but these pointers should help…
View yourself and your prospective beau as equals
Because you are. Lots of men put women on a pedestal, viewing them as unattainable goddesses. This is counterproductive and, in it’s own way, kind of unintentionally misogynistic. Your intended is just a human being like you with quirks and neuroses and personal demons. Treat her with respect, of course, but also give yourself some respect too!
Make peace with your body issues
Most women are unhappy with their bodies in light of the relentless barrage of airbrushed perfection they’re subjected to every day, and while we may not be as open about it, men are increasingly plagued by body issues and body dysmorphic disorder. While a healthy diet and active lifestyle can help you to edge closer to the body you want, the biggest change has to come from within.
Give yourself a mini makeover
When was the last time you were genuinely happy with what you saw in the mirror? You may think that that version of you is lost forever, but he can be brought back with a little gentle encouragement. Ask your trendier friends for some advice on how you can spruce up your appearance a little. Try to get as many perspectives as possible; gay, straight, male and female. While you shouldn’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone, you should cherry pick the advice that you feel best suits you.
Beauty may only be skin deep, but when we’re happy with what’s on the surface the inner us can have a habit of escaping.