What To Do When She Doesn’t Reply

I know you’ve been there.  You thought there was a connection.  She seemed really interested and couldn’t wait to give you her number.  You even allowed your thoughts to wander to “maybe she’s the one” and then… she never calls you back.  Don’t worry brochacho, it’s happened to us all.  Read on and find out the best way to handle that situation with dignity and awareness. 

What Happened? – Don’t Assume You Have All The Information

Whether it’s your email or phone call that she is not returning, don’t assume you did something wrong.  You can analyze it to death, but it may have absolutely nothing to do with you.  Her ex-boyfriend may have just decided to come back into her life, she may have just gotten assigned to a massive project at work and has lost herself, her dog may have just passed away, she may have been captured by aliens and is recovering from intensive probing…you have no idea.  The important thing to remember is to just let it go and don’t beat yourself up about it.

Yes, she could have picked up the phone to let you know she’s really busy but wants to connect.  Yes, it would’ve been the courteous thing to do.  However…shit happens.  Somewhere along the line what appeared to be a connection dissolved.  Don’t get hung up on the “what ifs.”  Move on.

The reality is that you deserve a woman with good follow through that respects and desires your courting.  Whatever the reason, if you are forgettable to her then chances you wouldn’t have developed a highly satisfying relationship with her anyway.  Don’t over-analyze it.  Move on to a woman that will truly be interested.

Just Like in Vegas – Don’t Chase Bad Money With Good Money

Don’t be the guy at the black jack table doubling his losing bets while the rest of the table has cleared out and the disinterested dealer takes hand after hand from the hapless sap.  Get up and move to the next table.

If a girl doesn’t respond to your message then she’s not interested.  If you call her and she doesn’t respond, don’t follow it up with a text message to see if she got your original.  This is undeniably desperate, does not convey the confidence that women desire and is flat out beneath you.  Chasing an uninterested girl will only lower your self esteem and leave you focused on someone not worthy of your attention.  Save your “dating capital” for a woman that’s a better investment.

Believe me…you can do better than a woman who perceives you as unworthy of a 30 second text to acknowledge your effort.

This Is A Reflection of Her, Not of You

You know what…maybe you did say something that turned her off or made her lose interest before you got started, but you tried.  You made the effort.  You put yourself out there and asked for her number/email/social media link/satellite coordinates/whatever and you allowed yourself to be vulnerable (I know…you hate that word).  Feel good about your genuine effort to connect with someone who interested you and most importantly KEEP DOING IT!  I promise you the more you try, the better you’ll get at it and the more likely you’ll be to find the right woman who will welcome your effort.  Keep your confidence high.

Don’t forget that lots of women have issues with intimacy.  Men get famously and frequently blamed for failing to let the opposite sex in, but women struggle too.  A woman who gives her number or email out to someone one night and doesn’t have the continuity of interest to return your action has issues.  Don’t allow her dysfunction to make you feel inadequate in any way.

Don’t Be Creepy or Angry

She could have handled the situation better, but she didn’t   That is no reason for you to go nuts and take any kind of creepy course of action.  If you are contemplating an action that you think might be potentially creepy, think no more…it is.

Leaving scary or frequent messages could be criminal at worst and unflattering at best.  They’re not going to change the situation.  In fact, those messages only make her more secure in her assessment of you as unworthy.  Don’t subjugate yourself and allow her to be right about you.

Take the high road and create some good dating karma by practicing compassion for her for not being as evolved and willing to take risk as you are.  You did your part.  She couldn’t answer the bell and if she gave you her info in the first place, then she’s clearly confused about what she wants.  Move on.

Dating can be a series of false starts, hiccups and challenging situations.  Use the journey as an opportunity to learn about yourself and step you closer to the person you want to be with.




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I work as a full time hair stylist but love writing about life. I hope to become a full time writer one day and spend all my time sharing my experience with you!

46 comments on “What To Do When She Doesn’t Reply”

  1. her not replying after you got her number is nothing! the real problem is when she disappears after 3 months of (seemingly) very good dating

    • I have been dating this lady for over a year she is my girlfriends and she spends more times with her friends then me and never really includes me in her plans only when its just me and her and whenever she goes out with her friends she will never call me at all I’m front of anybody she is around sjr will text me all day or all night but won’t pick up the phone to say hello or anything and if I try calling her she won’t pick up and she will text me saying she can’t answer her phone she is with her friends and sometimes won’t call me till the next day and told me its rude if she uses her phone and calls me in front of her friends but I find it rude that she say anything on the phone too me till she is ready to go to go home and that could be 3 or 4 hours or 5 or 6 hours or 7 or 8 hours and if I do the same thing when I’m with my friends she accuses me of being around other girls or what am I hiding since i can’t pick up my phone and all this crap and my best friend told me she has a lot of nerve to say that too you

  2. I”m a woman. 27 years old. A lot of women, my girl friends included, might not respond right away or in a couple days because she doesn’t want the guy to think she’s desperate. She wants to be in a position of power. It is way more common for a guy to not respond as readily as the woman, and women are catching onto that. We are retreating and trying to act more like the “cool” one that doesn’t “need you”. So the article isn’t quite so simple. But I love that men think this way. Women would never think a guy to beat themselves up over a woman not calling them. Helped me open my eyes to the importance of just responding when you want to, and that playing the game.. isn’t so much of a good thing. Or necessary thing.

    • I hung out with a gorgeous girl a few times, had a blast every day I spent with her, and I’m sure she did too. We are from different countries, therefore I couldn’t text her, so I asked for her snapchat… The next day, we snap back and forth, and have interesting conversations that last almost hours, and there is no delay between our messages. Yesterday, the day after that, we snap back and forth a few times, but she only gives me boring responses as “ahhahaha” “ok” and “yes”… And in the afternoon, I send her a few more that I thought were funny and interesting, and nothing. I see that she has read them and she just doesn’t respond. What does this mean? Is she just not into me? Or is she just using the trick you talked about in your comment? I shouldn’t be so desperate about a girl, but I thought we had chemistry from the couple days we met up…????

  3. I hate the beginning stages of an early relationship! I don’t really like the dating part period. It’s all high school to me. You put forth all the energy to get the girls number and you call, you get a date. After that first date the mind games begin. Then you start playing the wondering game. I wonder if she got my text, gees I sent it an hour ago. I wonder if she wants a second date? Hmm she did kiss me goodnight. I wonder if her x-boyfriend came back into the picture.And on and on! This whole stupid rule that you have to call or text back after a certain time is throwing a lot of people off and it’s causing relationships not to grow into something meaningful! Wheover invented these so called rules of texting and calling after the first date should be shot and then catapulted into the sea! I don’t have the time required to wonder IF. I don’t like the idea that I have to wonder period. If she doesn’t respond to me after the first text. It’s over! Girls you need to add this info to your notes. Most guys don’t like playing the wonder game!

    • i agree. im so over that fact that i have to live with this so called “game” women play. if we did this to them they will be saying the something. i want a girl to be honest, fuck my feelings i want the truth is that so hard for them to do it?. it it hurts them then they can get over it like we all do because im just so mad and over this. i had to wait 3 days for an email 3 sentences long so i got an anwser back! come one!. its been like 4 days since i last sent an email to her and nothing. i feel as if to destroy what i have so i can move on. WOMEN NEED TO STOP THIS GAME.

      • Women will never stop these game, so you gotta play it too and NEVER be the nice guy. There is a reason for the saying “nice guys finish last”. Women may say they want a nice guy, but in reality, they love being played and tortured, so you gotta give em what they want 😉

  4. This helps me a lot.. but the fact is to let it go.. to let her go.. I still wonderin’ why she says she was interested in me and complimented me, but suddenly she stops send me back..
    That looses our faith in women..

    • I am just going over a break up from a relationship that never got started. We kissed and had sex then he went dark. It was not only cruel but rude and evil. because this man had sworn he wanted an exclusive serious relationship. We had been seen at work for 2 years B4 we starTed to date. He got what he wanted and disappeared. Some people suggested his phone broke or something effed up. I say he is a dick. People see their texts almost immediately as well as their emails. They choose to play with their own feelings and others. They do not admit that they are interested or disinterested! They just leave you wondering. That’s is effed up and a person like that is not work pursuing. If a person does not return your email within A day and your text within 8hrs then BE READY TO MOVE ON because I have found a pattern in my BAD relationships to be the same..if ppl start playing with you, they wilalways b playing with you. Please don’t put yourmind to their disposal. no YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THE SAME THEY DO because we people who are ready to be upfront clear and honest should not change our ways to get crooked like this ppl who are petty and false to their real feelings. 2 are needed to create a game..please I beg you. Change this generation of fools and do not play any kind of game..the truth is better always. Guys do not just go dark. Give women the respect and closure they need ..it is just far. .women do the same. ..respect each other right to heal and move on. Guys if you just want sex, ask for it ..do not manipulate women with false pretenses…it is cruel and mean. Someday someone will do it with u. If you dance with the devil games don’t complain for waking up in hell…be honest ..be congruent with your mind,heart and actions!!! Grow up! Be a man and a woman!! If you are interested show it! If you loose inte rest say it! If you’re unsure express it! We both need to stop play games because I fell in love and the pain of being in the dark is unbearable…I didn’t do anything deceptive to be left this way…but he just wanted to play me and it was not fair..please think about the others..stop being selfis and shallow…

      • Hi Amanda,

        Sorry to hear that 🙁 Please receive this friendly empathic hug from a guy in the other side of the Atlantic 🙂

        I agree with everything you said. I think the internet these days is full of people who saw too many James Bond movies. There is a whole industry to teach how to be a bad guy/girl… instead of being honest. It’s like they are teaching us to spread ill instead of kindness; aloofness instead of love.

        We need more Love in this world! (Various forms of Love.)

        People are attracted to that kind of person. But the question we should ask ourselves is: would he be a good father to my children and the one person to be beside me when the wrinkles have torn my face?

        In a consuming society it looks like we are consuming each other like chewing gum.

        Why the guy lost interest guess we’ll never know. But it has nothing to so with you. That much I know. Think this way: In this multi varied world there is surely someone who would be the perfect fit for you. And guess what, odds are that he is looking for you as well.

        So, never loose hope, just be yourself, and when you find guys that don’t appreciate the good in you, move on, and thank them for walking away: Only ignorants walk away from greatness.

      • Wow, you sound like a real ethical person, can’t tell you how rare that is. Would you ever consider dating a woman?

  5. This is a great article. I think ppl get lost in the moment and in this society especially does moments dont always mean much. Sadly some genuine people may think it was real but it wasnt more than a moment and sometimes you have to let that go.

    Remember many times ppl are drinking and under the influence and the next day they wake up thinking fak what did I do lastnight? So that may be a good reason why she doesn’t care to respond, it just didnt mean anything to her and thats ok.it happens, you tried and now just move on.

  6. How funny I have this girl I met at a party we got together and the next day hanged out and we kept Doing the same thing for 3 weeks already we said we would talk and we acted like bf/gf but this Friday till Monday she hasn’t replied? Or answer my call I called her 2wice

  7. Went on a date last week and thought it went great. We both connected, spent the whole day doing things together, spoke non-stop, and treated each other over stuff. Emailed her the pictures of the trip the next day and she replied right away. We sent a couple more messages back and forth until the last one I sent which asked her on a 2nd date. After that I haven’t gotten any reply for 4 days now. Not sure if she’s playing a game or just ignoring, but it was a blow to my ego. So ladies, maybe gaming would work on some men, but there are guys like me who won’t care for it. I have decided to move on, regardless of if she contacts me again or not.

    • I’m 100% with you: whether it is a game or not, I would loose interest as well. Like AMANDA says, we need more Men and Women like that. Stop playing silly puerile games, people! Dating shouldn’t be about hunting, chasing and running or hide and seek, but rather finding a true soulmate.

  8. Well written, basically if there’s no followup, there’s no interest. I like the poker table analogy– don’t double down, and double your losses. Move on!

  9. Resturant girl was teasing me and messing with me for quite a while. She’s younger. She even would take a break and sit with me. She’s a manager. She was real busy that morning so I slipped her my number. A week later she called me. The call was fadeing in and out. I was on the expressway at 70mph. I asked if I could call later. I did. She was in a parking lot trying to get out. She is studying to be a med tech and is also working. She said she would call back. She did not. I called a few days later and left a message. It’s been two weeks. This is the best article I have seen on this subject. I can only conclude I’ve been thrown under the bus.

  10. Men, i met this girl,she’s Nice, but honestly men I think she has issues,little arguments make her wanna leave,she might happy now and the next few hours she might start crying without no reason,the last time we met, she was at ma house, we were having a nice time that night and we got into a little argument, she dressed up and told me to go drop her off at her house, that’s the last I heard from her, she said I am her Bf and we have been together for over a month and still doesn’t know her room, or her apt number,what do I do?

  11. i work with this girl. talked to her for about a half hour one day, and over a hour the week after. she took her break when i was goin on mine. she was asking me questions, laughing, talking, smiling, and touching. we go inside and i ask for her number and she gives it to me almost immediatly. i texted her that night told her to drive safe. didnt hear from her for 3 days. i bought a pizza for lunch together and she took off from work 10 mins before it got delivered. havnt heard from her in a week. what does this mean and what should i do?

  12. I hate these stupid games women play! No matter what you do for them they NEVER seem to be happy. I dated a woman for two years. We went away on holiday together and everything seemed to be fine. Three days later she dumped me by email. No reason, no explanation, she just told me we were incompatible. I tried to talk it out with her but she would not reply to my texts, emails or phone calls. I walked away. Three months later I receive a letter from her saying she was sorry for being ‘cruel’ to me and that she was missing me. I recontacted her. We seemed to be getting back together again. Last month was her birthday. I bought her a small gift with a card. Two weeks later it was my birthday. What did I get from her? No card, no gift, just a “Happy Birthday” on Facebook. I have not heard from her since. My last three texts have now gone unanswered. This time I’m walking away for good. It just shits me how after two years of good times together a woman can suddenly decide that she wants to test you and dump you without reason. Then when she reaches out to you and you both reconnect again that she can then cast you away again without another thought or reason!!! It hurts like hell and sickens me to think of all that time I wasted with her. At least she finally revealed herself as the heartless bitch she is!

    • I once had a girlfriend who, after 6 months, told me that her feelings for me were dying. She was honest and nice enough to tell me that in person, and told me in a kind way. She told me that she would hence accept any decision from me (walk way or stay). I secretly admired her more after that.

      Of course I swallowed my pride and chose to stay. You see, I was too much in love to let her go and I also believed that she would fall for me again and she did, big time.

      Good thing that she wasn’t selfish or played any tricks. She was honest and even attentive. For that reason alone she will always have a place in my heart.

      Had she said goodbye through email, text message or even in person, without any friendliness or selfless kindness, I would walk away for good.

      I don’t see any Love relationship thriving without Friendship, to being with.

      • Well said Renato. As a beautiful person will open our eyes, an intelligent person will open our mind, and a loving kind person will open our heart.

  13. I like this a lot. I’m fairly successful dating wise, of course I get the odd setback and it stings!

    I try to not cede too much control of my life to a random girl am looking to date.

    If she does not respond and/or act as if she is doing me a favour, it’s off the table. I actually had one girl chase after me after I’d conceded defeat due to her giving me the run around. that but her antics had put me of. No thanks.

    To be honest some folks are bonkers and why would I want a girl that would only make my life a misery due to her issues? Nein

  14. Had 3 dates with a girl. Each one better than the last. By the last date she said that i passed all her “tests”. Eg.. Got approval from her friend, wasnt cheap, gave change to a homeless guy. — anyways, after our 3rd date she tells me that ive impressed her so much on each date and that she wants to be my girl.. Lots of kissing and petting on all 3 dates and i asked her to come home with me on each one. Working each time tho..
    Next day i text her to let her know how fun the 3rd date was. — two days later now and no reply.

    Im in now way hurt. And it might not even be over yet but it wouldnt surprise me if it were. Truth is, Ive seen too many flakes to ever be hurt by them again. Best thing to do is forget and move on. Who cares? Shes obviously immature and doesnt know what she wants.

    Everyone needs to experience flakey girls. So you lose respect in women and then you treat them worse. Easier on you, and it gets rhem excited when you treat them like doormats.

  15. Love this article… it’s just hard to do. I mean I met this girl out at a bar, but she was actually another friend of mine’s (a girl herself) friend. So this girl and I hit it off like crazy. Probably a girl waaaayyyy out of my league. Beautiful (a 10), sweet, funny, sarcastic. WE left the bar together and sat in my car talking for like two hours. Now she said she had started dating a younger guy 21 and she is 31, a few weeks back but she was not in a relationship. Well, i’m 41, but I pull a decent 35. By the time I got her home she gave me her phone and then texted me right away some random (I guess sarcastic funny comment) “Shut your F*cking mouth” . The next day I texted her that it was awesome meeting her and that I want to see her again soon. In the meantime my friend who is her friend told me she was asking about me and was interested in me. So no text back, I decide to call her….and I get the dreaded voicemail. I leave a semi-nervous message regarding giving me a call back because I have an important question for her, then I said just kidding, but I do want to ask you something to call me cak when you get a chance. Well…..2 days and NOTHING! Am I over-reacting or should I like the article implies… let it go?

    • Try not to get nervous….that is a big turn off on women…..you need to play like you got nothing to lose (except your virginity if you are one hahaha just a joke)…..

      I think the only rule to this game is that you respect the booty if the booty respect you ……as soon as it disrespect you you should say it out loud “NEXT PLEASE”……practice near the mirror if you think it may be difficult to do that.

  16. So many hot girls, why settle for one? Same way about boys. Now remember everyone who comes here, there isn’t a fix to our social evolution. This is our DNA and divorce rate in the USA is over 50%. Don’t let this bother you but just know our species is evolving and tradition changes periodically. The solution to this need for a soul mate or life long breeding mate would be to stop human reproduction and quit brain washing people to think we should marry. One day we all will be cyborgs. Our human species will be gone. We respect that our intelligence started as being a human but later we will be something else. So right now what do we do? Cry? Sure go for it. Just remember that you only live once (at least we think) so take that and forget about your past and your plans for the future. Do something great starting today. Change yourself

  17. You hit the nail on the head with this one Mike. This is one of the BEST articles I’ve read ever read on this subject. Keep up the good work. You got a talent for writing.

  18. Girls are sometimes big silly sturbon bugs,they will just never be mature.So if she plays stupid games,just be a dick and move on.There isnt a spare life,why accept a bitch to hurt your ego?

  19. I am tortuously shy and incapable around women, at least I was… I have slowly built up my social skills over time like a house of cards, 3 girlfriends, and 2 broken hearts, bit by bit, piece by piece.
    Over 40 years I have become self aware, and well grounded.
    I thought.
    Until this other night at a live music venue, a young slim blond girl approximately half my age came over to me and started talking. I realized she was girl from work that I had never talked to. She was outrageously funny, articulate, and flirtatious, She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek when she left (her friend came over and took her away)
    Since then, she has smiled at me sneakily at work and waved discretely when she sees me. We have talked briefly a few times, her blue eyes seem to linger too long whenever we part. She is in a senior position, even though she is young, because, basically she is a genius.
    Luckily, after 3 weeks I had a reason to no longer be working there.
    Giving me a good opportunity and excuse to contact her outside of work.
    It was meant to be one or two emails, then phone-call and/or date.
    (note: all you idiots that wonder why I didn’t get the number first, and just ask her out, have not had much experience with women)

    She replied immediately to my email, with a ‘how are you’.
    I answered the question ‘Fine’ and made a light-hearted joke about a TV series she liked.
    (This joke was positive, and pre-screened with friends before hand) I was sure it was funny.
    She has not replied.

    So my question is: What is the best way to kill myself ?

  20. Best solution is to just ignore her….I mean TOTALLY ignore her…just like she did to you. And you know what happens? She NEEDS to talk to you. So you still ignore her. Now she REALLY needs to talk to you EVEN MORE. Get it??

  21. After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all other ones out there.

  22. HOW I GOT MY EX HUSBAND BACK WITH THE HELP OF REAL AND EFFECTIVE SPELL FROM DR Osasu My This wonderful cast called Dr Osasu help me return my husband back after he abandoned me and the kids for 2 years without visiting. A friend of mine told me how the powerful spell caster helped her and i contacted him via the email address my friend gave me, i told him my problem and he assured me victory, in less than 48 hours after i did all he instructed me to do, he called me for the first time after he left me, he pleaded for my forgiveness now we are living happily.


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