The Moshi Girlfriend Pillow – When Your Life Just Isn’t Sad Enough

If you’re one of those guys who’s been rejected time and time again by the heartless, jerk-loving wenches of society – not because of any of your flaws, but because women only like ass-holes and frat-boys – then this is the pillow for you. No longer will you need to subject yourself to the rigors of the opposite sex, with their meanness and cruel trixyness. Nay my friend, now you can spill your seed on the chest of a woman who will never talk back, or make fun of your World of Warcraft inspired neck beard. Finally a woman to give you a hand in the bedroom, and I do mean just one hand.

Now, all jokes aside, is this not the most fucked up pillow you’ve ever seen? I mean, it’s probably fucked up after its owner gets through with it as well, but I mean more along the lines of pure wackiness. I’ve seen anime inspired life-size pillows that people can insert their dicks into, but at least those have genitalia. What is one supposed to do with this? Crank yourself off with its yellow rubber hand? Blow your load across the conveniently placed x-marks on the breasts? I can’t even begin to imagine.

If you’ve decided that your car bed just isn’t enough without a girl wrapped around your arm, or perhaps you just want to experiment in the bedroom with an asymetrical Pepto-Bismol coloured creature, you can buy the Moshi Girlfriend Pillow on Amazon for $18.50 USD. Incredible value if you ask me.

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Chad

I'm a co-founder and writer here at Unfinished Man. I write, manage the look and feel of the website, and make sure that nothing breaks. I also reply to the vast majority of our emails, so if you're sending one through, I suggest you be nice. Everyone says I'm the least offensive of our writers, so they gave the email jockey task to me. When I'm not improving the site, I write about fashion, video games, politics, and anything related to science and technology.

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