You’ve been through a grueling divorce that’s left you shell shocked and kicked you in the nuts financially but you’re ready to move on to the next phase of your life. Where do you start? Here are a few tips and guidelines to get your dating legs underneath you again.
Get Your Shit Together First
It may be tempting to jump right back into dating after a lengthy, sex deprived divorce. However, it’s important to make sure you get your own internal house in order before you start involving new women in your life.
Sure, this is your chance to finally do something about the girls you’ve been drooling over, the secretary that’s been flirting with you for months, or the temptresses whispering “too bad you’re married” in your ear…but trust me, you’d be best served to take a deep breath and make sure you’re in a good place first. Don’t bring any residual nastiness from your divorce into a new relationship (whether it is for one night or longer).
You’ve been focused on your wife and family for some time now. This should be your time to reconnect with your buddies and be a little selfish. Do all of the stuff you didn’t have time to before. Get back to the gym, get out and go for a hike and do the things that you really enjoy.
When you’re ready to think about women again the key is to decide where you are in your life. Figure out what you want (i.e. some meaningless sex, a female companion to just have dinner with, or more). You won’t figure it out on the fly. Have a plan and work the plan.
Things Have Changed Out There – Cut Yourself Some Slack
The last time you were dating they may have been playing Culture Club at the bars and the hot new PC was the Commodore 64. Don’t fret. Give yourself time to ease back into dating. It’s not as easy as it appeared from the comfort of the sidelines all these years.
You may find that in your 30s or 40s, the way you met people when you were in your 20s doesn’t quite have that same appeal. That’s a good thing. You’ve matured and evolved since then. Going to a club and trying to scream over booming speakers at some 22 year old about the latest trance band that you can’t even pronounce shouldn’t be your idea of a great night out. Take some satisfaction that you’ve grown.
But…how do you connect with new, available women?
Online Dating To The Rescue
When you look around, you’ll probably find that most of your buddies are still married. Married people tend to hang with other married people. Your married friends will be envious of you’re new liberated lifestyle, but will be of little help when it comes to meeting single women.
There is another path.
Online dating was likely a weird thing that only creepy guys in their mother’s basement and overweight women with mysteriously missing photos did. My friend, things have changed. The tally of online dating site users in North America is now estimated at nearly 30 million people. Put simply, most single people are doing some kind of online dating.
Online dating is a main streamed part of being single today and is a perfect venue for you to get your feet wet dating again. Whether you are just looking for a short term or long term relationship with a woman, there are tons of available single women that will love the fact that you were able to step up to the plate at some point in your life.
Leverage Your Advantage – Don’t Dwell In The Past
Don’t worry about women being turned off by the fact that you’ve been divorced. Divorce does not carry the same stigma that it used to. Like everything in life, I urge you to spin it into a positive attribute.
Don’t spend your time talking about your ex-wife, but certainly acknowledge that your divorce happened and show how collected you are about the whole thing. Slamming your ex-wife or venting to your date will only make you seem like a douche bag. Ultimately you did marry this person and while things didn’t work out as you thought they might, it is better to own your decision, regret that it didn’t work out…and move on.
Women will be drawn to your strong presence and the fact that you are not a commitment phobe. You did step up to the plate at least once in your life and women will love that you’re a guy that’s not afraid to jump in when you like what you see.
The preceding guidelines will help keep your expectations in line, your enthusiasm tempered and your mindset clear for a smooth transition back to the land of the liberated daters. Good luck and happy dating!