Women are the loveliest creatures on the planet. I am enamored with them, love how they complement and balance our masculine nature and can’t fathom life without them. However, they have a slanted view of how the world works and this week’s entry is about why it’s better to take dating advice from a competent man than your hot friend-girl (my term for girls that you are friends with that you are not sleeping with).
The World Is Theirs
I’m fascinated with how fun it must be to live life as an attractive woman…not fascinated enough to be a transvestite, but fascinated nonetheless. The world is your oyster and everyone wants to do something nice for you. Doors are held for you, “nice face” discounts are a plenty and seemingly anything is yours for the taking if a dumbstruck man is the only obstacle to you having it.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m fine with that. This “goodies for the hotties” situation is as animal level as a ritual mating dance. However, the resulting breeze through life that attractive women enjoy makes them ill-suited for giving advice to men.
These women have no idea what it’s like to walk into the room and feel invisible. They’ve never had the opposite sex avert their eyes when they’re walking down the street. Rejection is a tiring exercise for them rather than a heart hammering trauma to bounce back from.
As men, we’re tasked with keeping our confidence high in spite of varying forms of rejection or disinterest through our lives. We have to build and re-build high self esteem to still be confident when those girls who are smart enough to value us arrive.
These character building qualities are rarely developed by an attractive woman. It’s not their fault…they just never needed to.
Just Open Your Map – People Will Help You
A very attractive friend-girl of mine recently visited a city that I had never previously been to. She told me doe eyed that, “People were so nice! I just walked down the street with my map opened and people were so anxious to help. I met so many people who were buying me drinks and happy to show me around town.” Of course, all of these angelic tour guides were guys and I’m sure they were motivated by the possibility of showing her more than just the city’s attractions.
My buddy and I went to the same city the following week and didn’t get much help at all. Our maps were wide opened and remained so for the duration. This highlighted the difference between being a hot girl and a guy.
This disparity in attention renders attractive women unable to understand what it’s like to be a guy. We have to earn every advantage or develop charm, a sharp wit, or a confident smile as our equivalent cleavage.
What Women Say They Want and What They Really Want
Ask any women what she wants in a man and she’ll tell you she want a nice guy who treats her well with a great sense of humor. Next take a look at the guys she’s dated and see if those things match up. Sometimes they do…most times they don’t.
The reason is that attractive women often struggle with implementing a male assessment strategy that is consistent with what they want in a boyfriend or husband. In all fairness to them, it’s often the douche bags who have the confidence (false confidence…but confidence nonetheless) to approach them and that ends up being their largest sampling of men to pick from. That’s where they live and that’s who they get exposed to the most.
When they’re giving you dating advice, they are thinking about the guys they dream of and not necessarily the guys they actually date. They’re in effect putting the cart before the horse in describing the relationship qualities they want (funny, can bring him home to Mom, successful) rather than the things that catch their attention when a man approaches them (confidence, a sense of intrigue, spontaneity).
Real Guidance From A Guy Who’s Been There
Friend-girls are great to have and I love my circle of them. They are particularly valuable when you eventually find yourself in a relationship. Friend-girls can really help you develop your communication skills and do things that will make your special girl feel loved, supported and appreciated. Until you get there…leave it to the guys.
What you really want and deserve is advice from a guy that has been in your shoes and knows what you struggle with. He knows because he’s been there, has risen above and now draws the women he wants to him. You need an online dating wingman to help you present yourself effectively and overcome the obstacles that all guys face at one time or another.