The mere mention of the words “first” and “date” together produce cringing and knotted sphincters for many of you. However, a first date should be a fun, low pressure opportunity for you to enjoy the company of someone new. Here are a few dating tips to keep you relaxed, confident and in a balanced mindset on your first date.
She Has To Impress You Too
My male clients at My Online Dating Consultant often get too fixated on how to wow the girl they’re pursuing and lose sight of their own right to be impressed. While chivalry certainly is not dead, it’s important to remember that dating is a bidirectional evaluation. For those of you that are not techie geeks, that means it goes both ways. No I’m not talking about bisexuality, but rather the fact that we men are as much the interviewers as we are the interviewees throughout the dating process. This is especially true on the first date.
Don’t use this as an excuse to leave you’re A+ game at home or neglect to put your best foot forward, instead let it serve as a reminder that she needs to astound you too. You are clearly a highly intelligent, evolved man (as evidenced by your reading of the Unfinished Man) and should view yourself as the catch that you are.
She needs to meet your requirements and excite you enough to take her out on a 2nd date or consider including her in your life. The pressure is not squarely placed on your shoulders to make this date great; she has to actively participate and show her value as well.
Don’t Expect Too Much – She’s Nervous Too
The first date is a test drive. Nothing more. Nothing less. She is just as nervous as you are and is wondering what she’s going to talk about, what you are really like, and if there’s going to be a spark or not. Don’t undervalue the fact that she’s feeling the unsettling cocktail of hopefulness and anxiety that you’re feeling too.
For that reason, cut her some slack if she says something that’s a bit off or if she doesn’t appear immediately to be the girl of your dreams. No matter how many emails you’ve exchanged or how many pre-date phone calls you’ve had, the first date is your first real opportunity to get a feel for her as a person. You still don’t know each other yet, so that fun chemistry may not present itself as quickly as you might hope.
View the first date as that sample spoon from the ice cream shop that helps you decide if you want to go in for a larger scoop.
Worst Case Scenario You Get Something Else Out of It
Not every date is going to lead to sex, a next date or a girlfriend. View that first date simply as an opportunity to be exposed to a person with a set of experiences and perspective different than your own. If the date is not going so great and you’re not feeling much chemistry, don’t panic. Shift your focus to finding something else you can learn from the time spent.
“Something else” could be a business connection, a new band to check out or a tip on an awesome new restaurant to try (perhaps one you could take a different, more enjoyable date to). Set a goal of getting something positive out of every date you go on and there will be no disappointing dates.
Don’t Think Too Many Steps Ahead
Like most things in life, it’s important to just enjoy the moment you’re in for just that…the moment. If you’re having a great time with this girl, don’t get ahead of yourself and start thinking about what’s next or where this new relationship will go. Just enjoy the fact that you’ve made a great connection and enjoy each step of getting to know someone new.
Being overly anxious or pushing faster than a woman is comfortable with can be a major turn-off and a potential deal breaker. Instead enjoy the excitement you’re creating and allow your date to relish in that thrill too.
Women love to tell their girlfriends about the awesome date they just had and share the anticipation of your call and the next time you’ll see them with their girls. Don’t rob them of that pleasure by pushing too fast.
This approach allows you to make sure she really is into you and isn’t simply into being in a relationship with any guy that comes along. You don’t want to be merely performing the role of boyfriend for a woman that desperately wants one instead of connecting with a woman that truly wants YOU.
The preceding guidelines will help keep your expectations in line, your enthusiasm tempered and your mindset clear for a winning first date. Good luck and happy dating!