Manscaping: Don’t Call Your Lawn Guy

The rise of manscaping in the lives of 21^st century males has been an interesting development. Mostly, because we’re all entirely friggin’ lost in this ridiculous ocean of products. I literally have no clue what conditioner does, but I know my lady likes it when I use it. My medicine cabinet used to be filled with bandages, and an assortment of liquids that made a wound burn. Hell, my hand soap was called ‘Lava’ because it was tough enough to take off grease and a layer of underlying skin.  So Gentlemen, let’s try to figure out what it is we need to start doing.

Word on the grape vine is that hair is a big deal. We should have plenty on our head, but none on our bodies. Now while I find my straight razor to be up to the task of shaving my face, I do have a bit of trepidation when considering anything else. So, for this task I would recommend the Norelco line of body groomers. They’ve got sizing clips, pivoting heads, a rechargeable battery that can be used in the shower and best of all, no exposed razor.

Well groomed, ey chaps?

Now in regards to the hair on our heads, it seems a high and tight is no longer adequate. Ladies have spent hours on their hair for years, and are slowly catching on to the fact that men don’t. No worries though men, in most cases just being able to run a comb through your hair and using a small amount of product is enough. However, we have lost our “Shaggy” period in this battle. So men, find yourself a barber you like and keep a standing appointment. Get that “do” in line once every few weeks and keep the lady happy. As for our balding brothers out there, all I can say is own it. Patrick Stewart is bald, and dare I say, the sexiest Captain in the history of Star Fleet.

Lastly is skin care, and the inescapable stink that began to follow us around when we hit puberty. Trust me on this dudes, we smell in an especially terrible way. A shower and some soap goes a long way sure, but that’s the beginning of the process not the end. Besides the millions of body washes, there’s also the need for at least a facial scrub. Everything most men do, from drinking and smoking, to just the daily stress at work can mess with your skin.  A good facial scrub will help clean up your pores, and I find helps out with the quality of my shave. I end up with less razor burn and fewer ingrown hairs. A bevvy of companies have jumped at the chance to make the manliest of moisturizers, ranging from the well-known Nivea to specialist groups like Napiers the Herbalists.

So invariably we’ve reached the point where you wish to protest these new steps. You’ll probably be throwing around words like “wussification” as you attempt to convince yourself of your own manhood. That’s fine, but perhaps I can give you a different way of looking at things: Your woman sits through nail treatments, dyes her hair, wears your favorite perfume, and goes over everything twice with a fine-toothed comb. Would it really be so bad to try to do a little of that in return?