Online Dating is an imperfect science. Working with an expert will improve your efficiency and keep your dating capital high, but there’s no eliminating the swing and misses completely. However, you can ensure that those misses don’t build on themselves and create strikeouts.
Don’t Waste Time Examining What Went Wrong
No matter how great you are at managing your online dating process, there are going to be times when the connection you want just doesn’t happen. With a solid game plan and effective technique you can increase your probability of success on sites like Hily, but you will never eliminate rejection completely from the practice.
Whether it’s an unreturned email, a phone message that gets instantly deleted or a date that just isn’t what you had hoped…setbacks are going to happen so stop concerning yourself with the losses and move on to the next potential win.
Have A Short Memory
In baseball, the most effective closers that are tasked with cementing a victory for their team in the most stressful of situations, share one common trait. They focus on the task at hand and forget about past failures. If they give up a game winning homerun the night before, they get right back out there the next day with the same confidence and don’t dwell on what went wrong. They focus on success and regain their ju-ju without missing a beat.
You have to take this same mindset with your online dating process. Allowing previous hiccups in pursuing women to adversely impact your pursuit of the next will quickly devour your confidence. You have to have a short term memory and not spend any time investigating why you never got that returned message.
Keep your eyes and focus forward always. Here’s why.
You Have No Idea Why She Didn’t Reply
You can keep yourself up all night tossing and turning thinking about what you did wrong to lose that girl’s interest. Did you give her too much attention? Should you have called her sooner? Later? Been funnier? Less sarcastic? You will surely drive yourself insane with that approach.
The reality is, you have no idea why she didn’t respond and it may have absolutely nothing to do with you. Her ex-boyfriend may have just come back into her life. She may have gone out of town and you didn’t leave enough of impression to inspire her to respond when she returned. She may have had a scary online date that made her want to take a break from dating altogether.
Take it easy on yourself and just start over with a new candidate. The beauty of online dating is there are thousands of them out there to try again with.
Manage Your Expectations with Tempered Enthusiasm
I encourage my clients to approach their online dating process with “tempered enthusiasm.” This is a phrase I coined to describe a healthy balance of the excitement and energy that you’ll need to standout with her combined with the realism that you don’t truly know this person until you sit down and share space with her.
Don’t bring stale energy to the pursuit of your desired woman but for God’s sake, relax! Let things unfold naturally and don’t get ahead of yourself by attaching inappropriately timed expectations to an interaction that is merely in its infancy.
Stay positive. Stay forward looking. Stay golden Pony Boy.