In honor of Mother’s Day week, I bring you a very maternally unfriendly contribution to The Unfinished Man. Sure, it sounds brash but in order to truly be successful dating, quieting your momma’s boy voice inside your head is essential.
Props To Mom
Our Mom’s are the best. I’m visiting my Mom this week and I have the utmost respect, love and appreciation for my Mom. She brought you into this world for Christ’s sake. If she didn’t push your whining and screaming ass out you wouldn’t be here to read this article. So, she’s entitled to her opinion. However, her dating advice is flat out horrible.
If I followed my Mom’s guidance I would be rolled over by every woman that crossed my path. It’s not Mom’s fault, she just grew up in a different time. In most of our mothers’ era, the man pursued the woman and courtship was a one woman, one man process. If you talk to your friend-girls (frequent readers will know this is my term for women you are exclusively friends with and not currently sleeping with), their eyes will roll to the sky and swoon over those classic days of courtship. The reality is that most women when presented with a man that gives them this kind of undivided attention will take it for granted and/or lose interest quickly in the absence of a challenge.
Chivalry is by no means dead and holding a door for a woman and walking on the inside of her on the sidewalk (closest to traffic) are easy ways of differentiating yourself from the rest of the pack of goofballs that you are competing with for her attention. It shows you’re a class act and were raised well. As a man, standing out is what it’s all about. However, that’s where it ends. Sorry Mom.
What A Mom Wants…What A Mom Needs
Moms want grandchildren. Moms want to know you are taken care of and not alone in this world. Moms want to know they don’t have to worry about you anymore. (Author’s Note: This applies to all single men. I am 37 and have managed a business territory encompassing the entire West Coast worth $50 million, but my Mom’s still worries that I need someone to take care of me).
Women Wonder Do You Want Me or Just Someone?
If you are a good guy, I want you to continue to be a good guy. Don’t misunderstand that I’m suggesting in any way that you ever be threatening or put a woman in a position where she feels remotely unsafe. However, having an edge to you and not rushing to availability will both enhance your attractiveness and more healthily allow your budding relationship to unfold.
Here’s the heart of the matter. If you are immediately interested and pursuing a relationship from date 1, or worse phone call 1 or yikes…email 1 how is that making this woman feel? Does she feel unique or special? Will she know that you truly desire her and not simply being in a relationship? No and no. She’ll feel like you are this way with everyone and she’s simply being inserted into an available slot.
Women will tell you that they want their man to be a total gentlemen at all times. However, that’s not usually what gets their attention. Deep down they want to earn you. They don’t want you to hand them the keys to you straight away. They want to feel that they’ve made an impact on you and you’re letting them into your world because they are special and you want them there.
How To Execute
The key is not being disingenuous but allow woman to earn their proximity to you. Women will never tell you that’s what they want, because many are not even aware of it…but they do want to feel that they are the special one that is getting into your heart. There’s a line in the movie Hitch (which I’m constantly connected to forever more…see “Don’t Call Me Hitch”) where Will Smith says “women want to know all about you, but not all at once.” I couldn’t agree more.
So on this Mother’s Day week, take your Mom out for brunch, send her flowers, tell her how much you love her, but carve out your own confident style of dating while just smiling and nodding when she gives you dating advice.