Most couples know if their sex life is fantastic or downright bad, but it can be a bit more difficult to recognize when it’s merely satisfactory or just not very exciting. It’s important to learn the more subtle signs your sex life is suffering, though, because then you can nip it in the bud before it gets too out of hand. Here are five warning signs that you may be losing the sizzle in your sex life.
You haven’t communicated what you want
Nobody can read minds, and since everyone’s very different, there’s just no way your partner can know what you want unless you’ve communicated it. If you haven’t talked about what you want, you’re probably not getting it. And if your partner hasn’t said what they want, there’s no way you can give it to them. The first step is just simply talking it out with each other.
The same partner is always initiating
Most people want their partners to share in the experience of initiating sex, as it gives them the opportunity to feel desired and reduces performance pressure. When one partner is exclusively tasked with initiating sex, it can lead to struggles with rejection and eventually resentment.
If your partner’s always initiating, try to take the reins, and if you are, tell them you’d like to see things balance out.
It’s become repetitive
Once couples know what works, they may stop trying new things. This might seem like a fail-proof way to have consistently good sex, but the problem is, repeating the same behaviors in a predictable manner can reduce their associated pleasure. Research shows that dopamine levels can be twice as high when rewards are unpredictable, so changing things up every once in a while can help.
If problems stem from erectile difficulties, try adding a vacuum pump into the mix. When used, vacuum pumps like VaxAid create a vacuum, drawing blood into the area and quickly giving the user an erection. With continued use, many users find they develop harder, long-lasting erections – a completely scientific process.
You want different things
In order for a couple to have a healthy sex life, both people should feel like they’re in it together. If, for instance, you’re experiencing pain during sex or having another sexual issue, you can feel alone and isolated. On the flip side, if you think it’s solely because of your partner, they can feel inadequate.
If you notice any of these signs, you can start to resolve them by having an honest conversation with your partner. Asking things like, ‘What do you enjoy the most from our intimacy?’ or ‘What do you think we could work on together or individually?’ is a good start. Plus, the closeness you feel from having a dialogue alone can help you start having better sex.
The passion isn’t there or you’ve stopped trying
A big sign that you’re unhappy with your sex life is that you’ve just stopped trying – you don’t make time for it, don’t communicate, and neither partner tries to resolve things. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re done with the relationship, but it’s definitely a sign one or both of you may done with trying to make the sex end of things work; at least for the moment.
Even the healthiest relationships have phases where things aren’t so great and all aspects of it suffer in one way or another. One of the best ways to save your relationship and your sex life is to recognize the signs and work on them – and communicate what you’re feeling with your partner.