The Vessel Hammock Bathtub – A Long Hot Snooze


The bath often gets a bad rap. To be fair, there’s only so long that someone would want to sit in their own filth, but I think it’s safe to say that the age of using the bathtub solely for cleanliness is long gone. However, getting warm and relaxed after a never-ending cold work day or an intense soccer game in the rain isn’t always easy – no matter what particular canvas you sleep or play on, you don’t want to get it filthy, and not everyone has an indoor hot tub. What about a cool looking carbon fiber hammock that you could fill with steaming hot water for a snooze? Meet the Vessel hammock bathtub. 

The Vessel Hammock Bathtub – Carbon Fiber Gives it Extra Horsepower

I think the main factor that turns most guys off about the bath is how sitting in one traditionally brings to mind images of mounds of bubbles, flickering tea-lights, a glass of wine, and a goopy green face mask. Even if you like some of those things on their own (and I won’t ask which ones) when you put them all into the bathroom, you suddenly have a recipe for the most feminine activity possible. And men want to be men, even in the bathroom. Especially in the bathroom. MASTER OF YOUR DOMAIN. There’s no chance of the Vessel hammock bathtub looking girly, so you don’t worry that the veracity of your man cave will be compromised by a weak and effeminate ceramic tub.


The Vessel hammock bathtub is mounted to the walls with brackets, so it takes up the same space as a traditional tub. What makes it look so awesome- apart from the sleek carbon fiber, which makes it automatically go faster- is that it doesn’t touch the ground at all. The hammock shape makes it absolutely perfect for sleeping one off without nodding off and drowning, and makes it easier for the tall man to stretch out. The designers are quick to point out that it’s also an excellent shape for “sharing the experience.” I’m pretty sure that if you have a woman over and she sees this tub, she’ll be drawing a bath before dinner… so it will look like a millions bucks AND save you some cash. This hammock bathtub is clean, monolithic, dark, and striking. It’s like if Batman was a bathtub, and it was socially acceptable to want to curl up inside Batman like a tauntaun while drinking a beer and reading the paper.

The carbon fiber isn’t just for looks (but it helps): sandwiched in between is a layer of foam core. The result is a light, strong structure that is smooth on skin and insulates the Vessel hammock bathtub so that hot water actually stays hot, instead of becoming tepid before you can even get in. It’s also ridiculously easy to wipe down, which is probably good considering how most men treat their bathrooms. The water is let out through the bottom and escapes through a floor drain, so you can be extra lazy and just hose down the entire room if necessary.

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The Vessel bathtub is a limited edition produced by Splinter Works, and comes in black, red, blue, yellow, pink, bronze, and pure silver so you can match it to your supercar. Would you take a bath if you had a masterpiece like this in your house, or are you sticking only to the manliest polar plunges in the salmon bearing rivers of the north BECAUSE YOU CAN RELAX WHEN YOU’RE DEAD?

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