Mike writes a recurring sarcastic and informative column every other Thursday in The Unfinished Man and is the CEO of My Online Dating Consultant
You see it all the time. The ugly guy who looks like he could use a good shower with the super hot girl on his arm. Tired of just convincing yourself that he’s either got a huge penis or a huge trust fund? Ready to start really considering what he’s doing right that you’re doing wrong?
Women Are Much More Forgiving
I should start by saying that every time the topic of “how did that average looking guy get that hot girl?” comes up amongst my guy friends someone inevitably suggests that’s what everyone who sees me out with my date thinks. Ah, to have buddies that can take your ego down a notch.
Boil the basic differences between women and men down to the core elements and you’ll find that men are much more visually focused and women are more emotionally focused. Most women would agree that there needs to be some kind of physical attraction but generally speaking, the physical attributes are a very small percentage of what really gets their attention and keeps it.
Men are predominately driven by the physical. We start with “is she hot?” and if she’s funny, smart, supportive, successful then all the better. We are men, hear us roar but don’t assume that women are programmed like we are. Women will overlook a lot of physical beauty to find something deeper that really arouses their senses.
That Ugly Guy Had Balls
I guarantee you that ugly guy who has become the target of your envy at some point had the courage to just approach that hottie who is now sitting at a table across the bar from you and your buddies, staring into his eyes with glowing admiration as if he were dictating The Bible to her for its first publishing. That guy at some point overcame his inner doubting voice and approached that girl or came up with a creative email online that got her attention.
Don’t talk yourself out of approaching a woman who may appear your physical superior. The old adage of “whether you believe you can or cannot…you are right” applies here. Don’t take yourself out of the game before you even enter the stadium. Yes, you may get rejected but who cares? Going home and kicking yourself again for not trying is no way to live your life. The more times you try, the better you’ll get at it and it really only takes one success to wash all those previous failures away.
Put simply…have cojones!
If It’s Not Physical, What Do They Want?
If you haven’t figured it out by now, 6 pack abs and a strong jawline are not necessarily what it takes to get a hottie. This is great news for those of us who don’t look like Brad Pitt because we can use our charm, wit and confidence to attract and keep women that might physically be far out of our league.
If a guy shows genuine confidence and can challenge a woman’s sensibilities he actually has a much better chance at successfully catching a woman’s attention in both the short and long term. Women can get past physical flaws a lot more easily than men if they feel drawn to your genuine confidence, feel protected by your manly nature or you can make them laugh which will last a lifetime.
This may sound cheesy but remind yourself of how awesome you are. Whatever it is that makes you great (you’re a great listener, you have a great relationship with your family, you’re successful in your career, you do lots of volunteer work, etc.) needs to be in the forefront of your brain and how you think about yourself. Actually give yourself a little pep talk to connect with those qualities which makes you awesome. Pursue her as someone you are considering for a spot in your life rather than someone you’re trying to convince of your worthiness.
You are simply missing out if you’re not leveraging women’s more opened nature. There’s an opportunity here to genuinely feel better about yourself and in doing so enjoy the benefit of finding highly attractive women being drawn to you.
So How Do You Do This?
If you stay focused on what you want and who you want to be, you are 10 steps ahead of most men. Don’t talk yourself out of going after what you want. So often we can be our own biggest obstacle to what we want to achieve and in dating terms, who we want to be with. You deserve that hot girl who has your attention and it’s really more of a question of does she deserve you?
You can rebuild your confidence and develop your wit yourself. However, if you need help developing your charm both online and offline there are trusted partners ready to help.
If you need help presenting yourself in a way that will attract the right kind of women, you are in luck. The author of this article created a company to provide you help in reenergizing your approach. Check out My Online Dating Consultant . This guy really knows what he’s talking about when it comes to online dating and you can put him to work for you! My Online Dating Consultant will tailor an online dating profile for you that is both honest and alluring to those you want to attract and offers you online dating help to make you an online dating success. Seriously, what are you waiting for?