The Brick Testament – The Bible Explained in Lego

lego angels fight lego dragon in heaven with guns
The angels drive out Lucifer with.... assault rifles?

The bible is one of those things that stirs up a lot of mixed feelings amongst our readership; regardless of this, it’s safe to say that no matter what you believe in, there are some pretty damn great stories in the good book. Being able to produce endless amounts of free booze, horrific monsters, cataclysmic disasters- it’s got everything you’d want in a multi-billion dollar summer blockbuster. Rather than arguing over what’s theologically sound, we’d rather just enjoy the hilariously vengeful side of God, as offered in gloriously detailed plastic by The Brick Testament. Check out some of these pretty ridiculous, tongue in cheek illustrations of biblical scenes after the jump.

lego god burns lego gamorrah
Flying laser fire hands?
lego adam and eve having sex
God is not amused with the dalliances of man.
lego angels raping lego women
But those of heavenly beings are A-okay!
lego biblical monster
God also has some pretty cool lackeys.
lego man jumps out of building
There are the requisite gratuitous flailers...
lego man in pool of blood
And graphic violence.
lego mountain crushes people
He uses neat stuff like mountains, sneaking up on unsuspecting sinners.
lego angel massacres entire city
Apparently, human heads are like grapes for harvesting to God.
lego angel stomping on corpses in wine press
And there just happens to be a giant human-corpse wine press of doom that God has kicking around.
Lego blood pouring out of wine press
Delicious people-'wine'!
lego circumcision
The issue of circumcision is also addressed.
lego circumcision
Treated with respect and solemnity, of course.
lego circumcision
"Dude, we're gonna need another bucket."
lego god finds lego poop
Apparently there are laws in the bible to govern pooping.
lego threesome
There is guidance on appropriate sexual relations...
lego man having sex with lego bear
And bestiality, of course.
lego men hanging from trees
There are also a LOT of massacres.
lego man standing in front of a wall of skulls
Really- a crapload of massacres.
lego soldiers
Seriously.
lego meteorite hits mcdonalds
God did Armaggedon before Bruce Willis was cool.
lego comet hits earth
Even though he's a great guy, he's not afraid to mess our shit up.
lego men watch lego stripper
Satan's always out there, tempting you with hot women...
lego man masturbating
...and base desires...
lego god hears a cry for help
But don't worry...
lego god riding on cherubim
He's totally got your back.

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Gina

Author, Designer, and "that girl your mother warned you about." Looking good seems to be my job, whether it's working with the site design, or a number of other more interesting capacities. I have a ridiculous sense of humour and a brutal sense of honesty- you'll see a lot of that coming through in my writing, so don't say I didn't warn you if I somehow manage to offend you AND hurt your feelings at the same time. On the plus side, it makes my dating and advice columns a lot more pertinent to an unfinished man in the real world.

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