Stock Photography is Great… and Also Very Confusing

I do a lot of design work, so I’m often using stock photography to save myself time. One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that no matter how many quality, amazing images there are on any given site, there is some really bizarre stuff to complement them. Now, I can’t imagine providing stock photography is an easy thing to do- you have to dream up what anyone, ever, anywhere could possibly want and then shoot it in a new, unique and exciting way that will get your work chosen. There are three ways to do this: Take sexy photos. Take weird, bizarre, strangely niche photos. Take legitimate, beautiful, expressive photos. While that last one is the best business decision, it makes for the worst article, so we’re just going to ignore that particular stock photography avenue for now.

Stock Photography: Because You Never Know When You’ll Need Pictures of Someone Praying to a Washing Machine

I’m fairly certain we’ve all heard of six degrees of separation (or Kevin Bacon); the premise is that in six relations from any given thing, you’ll find what you’re looking for. As a fun stock photography game, try the six degrees of sexy strange. We’ll play it like this: type “sexy ___________.” No matter how many amazing photos you turn up, in six clicks, you’ll find something totally strange and in all likelihood completely useless as stock photography. Even though it seems very unlikely that you will ever need a hi-res photo of a woman yelling at a plate of salad, the internet is filled with HUNDREDS OF THEM. In some ways, perhaps this is the measure of a truly great stock photography site. Yes, it has thousands upon thousands of photos that no one will use ever, but it’s anticipating what you’ll need before you ever do. That’s true service, right? Let’s play on stock photography site Dreamstime!

SEXY VEGETABLE:

sexy vegetable confusing stock photography
Sexy vegetable!
sexy vegetable confusing stock photography
Sexy…?
sexy vegetable confusing stock photography
…vegetable?

SEXY KNIFE:

sexy knife confusing stock photography
Sexy knife!
sexy knife confusing stock photography
Sexy knife : (

SEXY WASHING MACHINE:

sexy washing machine confusing stock photography
Sexy washing machine! (Dirty girl…)
sexy washing machine confusing stock photography
Ok, come on guys, this is not a sexy washing machine.

SEXY HAT:

sexy hat confusing stock photography
Sexy hat!
sexy hat confusing stock photography
…Sexy…hat?
sexy hat confusing stock photography
THAT IS NOT A HAT THAT IS A SNAIL
sexy hat confusing stock photography
Clearly, someone has missed the memo.

SEXY TOILET:

sexy toilet confusing stock photography
Sexy toilet. Why there are results for this, I don’t know.
sexy toilet stock photography
Seriously?

SEXY MONEY:

1348509755E0zGYI
Sexy money!
money coming out your butt ass funny 17524816
I don’t even.

SEXY SANTA:

sexy SANTA stock photography
Sexy Santa!
1260293162A8I5X3
NO, SANTA, NOOOO

Do you have a business that would legitimately use any of these photos? If so, you’re welcome. If not, challenge me to a game of six degrees of sexy strange, or send me amateur stock photography in the form of snapchats of you with slimy animals on your head.

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Gina

Author, Designer, and "that girl your mother warned you about." Looking good seems to be my job, whether it's working with the site design, or a number of other more interesting capacities. I have a ridiculous sense of humour and a brutal sense of honesty- you'll see a lot of that coming through in my writing, so don't say I didn't warn you if I somehow manage to offend you AND hurt your feelings at the same time. On the plus side, it makes my dating and advice columns a lot more pertinent to an unfinished man in the real world.

2 comments on “Stock Photography is Great… and Also Very Confusing”

  1. Hi Gina,
    Don’t you think it worth mentioning that all of the above stock photos have digital rights management on them. Using them without permission from their owner can cost you dearly. The meta data included in the photos can be traced using clever search engines and if you’re using the stock for profit then get a good lawyer, get a real good one.

    Reply
    • This is a good point if people have never heard of stock photography or the internet before. I would think that if someone was to buy and pay for stock photos, one would hope they would either know this already, pay the extra cash for full royalties, or would read the fine print to get caught up as they were handing over their hard earned money.

      Since the article is about the hilarity of stock photos, links to the site where you can buy them, and is full of complimentary, downloadable versions meant for exactly this purpose plastered with giant logos, I get the feeling people won’t be very confused on that front.

      Reply

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