I’ve been fortunate enough to have met a lot of great people over the years. I have a strong group of friends in two completely different cities in Canada. I moved to Montreal, made more friends, and kept close contact with my friends from Vancouver. I visit them a few times a year.
Now, having moved to the other side of the country was interesting for a number of reasons, but today I’m going to focus on just one, and a very specific one at that. I’m talking about a certain aspect of friendship, one that I’m hoping to do some justice through the course of this discussion.
So let me start by asking you a question. Do you believe that your friends are honest with you?
Here’s an example. You’ve been dating this woman for a few months now, and you’ve been spending a lot of time with her. You’ve brought her out a few times to hang out with your friends, and you’re not sure why, but it’s never gone very well. Your friends were pleasant enough to her, and her to them, but something just felt off. Something feels off about her in fact, but no one has really said anything negative about her either…
Jumping back to you, ever been in a situation where you and all your friends can’t stand a particular friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend? I bet you’ve gone through that more than once, and I have a feeling we both know what you said to your friend: absolutely nothing.
Or what about your best friend that happens to get absolutely wasted every time you go out to the bar? I don’t mean a little drunk, I’m talking angry violent, punching people in the face drunk. Drinks until he passes out and does it again.
Did you encourage him to seek help at an alcohol rehab treatment facility, or did you keep quiet? I’ve been here, and I failed my friend in a spectacular fashion. Once I found out that my friend had woke up in a hospital, strapped down, after having been brought there by my friends… friends who he beat up and screamed up, I felt absolutely terrible. I should have been there for him. I should have given him some tough love.
I think you see where I’m going with this, but let’s make it more explicit anyway. You may think you’re being nice by holding your tongue, but sometimes honesty really is the best policy. If your friends are being stupid, you’re not being a good friend by not telling them. Believe me, sometimes they don’t even know themselves.
Would you want your friends to be honest with you?
These kinds of conversations aren’t comfortable, no doubt about that. You’re going to stew over what to say, and when you finally say it your friend may even be pissed off with you. He may be furious! But I’m telling you, the conversation is absolutely worth having. Even if they don’t listen, at least you’ll have tried.
