Back in January, after a lot of deep introspection and soul surfing, I finally decided to delete my Facebook account. It was a momentous occasion, marked by fireworks, partying, the finest dinners, and of course, celebrity appearances. Everyone wanted to congratulate me for finally breaking free, and I couldn’t have been happier.
Since then, my life has been a near fairy-tale existence, filled with adventure and face to face communication. I’ve actually talked with my friends in person! After all these years, finally.
But this escape from the clutches of Facebook haven’t been without a cost… a soul cost. Just today one of my suspicions was confirmed that both Facebook and Twitter are initiatives by the CIA to help spy on and control the population. With no oversight save that of the Illuminati, well… I’m sure you can appreciate why I feel so very devastated. But you don’t have to take my word for it…
Brook Alvarez of ONN talks Facebook, Twitter, and CIA Funding
It’s funny that something so obvious eluded me for so many years. Mark Zuckerberg, an agent for the CIA? It all makes sense now! The unending erosion of personal privacy on Facebook, the terrible interface changes designed to work people into a frenzy, so angry that they spill even more personal details into the Facebook spy database. Incredible. And to think I helped support them all these years. I have no one to blame but myself, and the same goes for the lot of you!
If they really just wanted to save some money, they could have just, you know… cut the military budget by a few trillion. Overlord my ass.
If you’ve been thinking about deleting your Facebook account, don’t wait another minute. There are so many reasons to leave, and have a real, actual life. A life of laughter, and joy… and sunshine. Unimpeded by the blue monster that’s held you firm for so very long. Watching… laughing as you refresh, over, and over, and over again… just waiting for the latest status update from your best friend for one week in grade 3, or that fellow with all the ferrets you met on the subway. It’s never too late to start a new life for yourself… a new beginning.