Facebook – The Reason the CIA Invented the Internet?

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Back in January, after a lot of deep introspection and soul surfing, I finally decided to delete my Facebook account. It was a momentous occasion, marked by fireworks, partying, the finest dinners, and of course, celebrity appearances. Everyone wanted to congratulate me for finally breaking free, and I couldn’t have been happier.

Since then, my life has been a near fairy-tale existence, filled with adventure and face to face communication. I’ve actually talked with my friends in person! After all these years, finally.

But this escape from the clutches of Facebook haven’t been without a cost… a soul cost. Just today one of my suspicions was confirmed that both Facebook and Twitter are initiatives by the CIA to help spy on and control the population. With no oversight save that of the Illuminati, well… I’m sure you can appreciate why I feel so very devastated. But you don’t have to take my word for it…

Brook Alvarez of ONN talks Facebook, Twitter, and CIA Funding

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Mark Zuckerberg, director of CIA “Facebook” initiative.

It’s funny that something so obvious eluded me for so many years. Mark Zuckerberg, an agent for the CIA? It all makes sense now! The unending erosion of personal privacy on Facebook, the terrible interface changes designed to work people into a frenzy, so angry that they spill even more personal details into the Facebook spy database. Incredible. And to think I helped support them all these years. I have no one to blame but myself, and the same goes for the lot of you!

If they really just wanted to save some money, they could have just, you know… cut the military budget by a few trillion. Overlord my ass.

If you’ve been thinking about deleting your Facebook account, don’t wait another minute. There are so many reasons to leave, and have a real, actual life. A life of laughter, and joy… and sunshine. Unimpeded by the blue monster that’s held you firm for so very long. Watching… laughing as you refresh, over, and over, and over again… just waiting for the latest status update from your best friend for one week in grade 3, or that fellow with all the ferrets you met on the subway. It’s never too late to start a new life for yourself… a new beginning.

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Comments

  1. says

    This is ridiculously hilarious, the icing on the cake was the fact that in your post you didn’t even hint that of this being a joke. Despite how outrageous this would be, I love conspiracy theories and I so wanted to buy into it. If I didn’t know what the onion was, I would be running to a friend and showing them this. PS I just recently delated my facebook too.

    • Chad says

      They’ve done some hilarious work over the years. I remember one that was about the “ocular penetration act”. Check THAT one out some time. :P

  2. Reboot says

    Are people are still surprised that there is no privacy on the internet? We live in an information age, where anything about anyone is a click away, and even if you do keep your information minimal, one can still just look you via DMV, Backround Information website, Phone numbers, etc…

    I just get the feeling that deleting facebook accounts is just some new hip counter culture thing. People used to do the same thing with myspace when it picked up.

    • Chad says

      I think it’s a step in the right direction. I had many reasons for deleting my account, but one of the big ones was not wanting to support a company that so blatantly violated people’s privacy. I realize many companies and organizations do the same, but this is one case where I could do something about it.

  3. Rash says

    CIA might have not invented Facebook but there the only ones capitalizing from it. It’s a stupid world and we are a stupid people.

    • Chad says

      I think a lot of people are capitalizing on it… just not the people who should be. It really is a treasure trove of information best left in the minds of individuals, or tight circles of friends. Privately.

  4. Faisal says

    I recently joined FB at the request of a friend, to share some pictures etc with me. I find it very stupid, all my “friends” are either narcissists (stupid pictures with poses of themselves), showing off their cars, or sharing stupid “words of wisdom”. The last thing really pisses me off when they keep posting deep thoughts (of someone else), they make themselves look so intellectual online, I’m like, dude I know what you’re in real life, stop pretending you’re some guru that has deep thoughts… anyways, that’s my rant for the day, time to get back to writing about cars and watches…

    • Chad says

      What you’re seeing is pretty standard in my experience. People want to post pictures of themselves with friends, or in interesting places, and that’s fine… that can actually be fun to browse through, but somewhere along the line people decided it was worth posting photos of themselves everywhere, in every situation, no matter how trivial. It made the whole photo sharing thing lack that special something.

      As for posting tons of quotes and words of wisdom, ugh… yeah. I think people just post them because that’s how they want to live, or think they should live, but never actually do.

  5. Nick says

    Deleted my facebook. I consider myself an intellectual to some degree and loved posting wise or funny tidbits I picked up to try to enlighten people. Mostly things from that page “i fucking love science”

  6. Nick says

    I decided I didn’t really like being that easily searchable by anyone that knows me or doesn’t. I also truly believe that the private and public entities in the world that data-mine will really only inevitably use personal information for some forms of nefarious acts in the future… Basically its all too good to be true and I’m suspicious. Also, the time spent in front of a screen reading about people who I must not care that much about if i don’t talk to them on the phone or physically see them to begin with, was ridiculous. People come and go in life and if I have the luxury of looking back at tons of photos and videos of my life and the people in it, i then by definition have stopped living. (I’m saying FB is a big waste of time for some people) Furthermore, experiences lose a little value-I’ve come to find- when they are surrounding one and people insist on viewing them through a little 5 inch window constantly. (I’m not saying there is anything wrong with taking pictures and videos-but constantly worrying about such things retards oneself) I’d much rather be on random websites like this one sharing ideas with complete strangers… It is like checking the pulse of the world to me because it feels more random and chaotic.

    • Chad says

      I agree with pretty much everything you said. In fact, I would argue that they’re probably already using it for nefarious acts. But you’re right, just in terms of wasting time, deleting one’s FB account can help with that immensely.

  7. Nick says

    Oh yea b4 anyone goes there, i know its easy for people to dig up info on others, but i believe i significantly lower the info on myself. Other then my cell phone which i’m changing to a burner i can pay cash for when i get the motivation, I believe in making it difficult for my personal shit to be out there… because well, its fucking personal. lol.

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