I used to watch a lot of Captain Planet. I’m not actually sure why, as he had a mullet and made bad puns and hung out with a lot of ineffectual kids in his pajamas, but I guess the underlying message was a good one so it makes up for my poor judgement. When you compared Captain Planet to everything else that was going on- Ninja Turtles, Transformers, GI Joe, X-Men, Batman The Animated Series (my god did we ever have it good growing up)- it was a pretty wussy show all around. Captain Planet had the makings of a finished man, so don’t get me wrong, and environmental stewardship is super important, but dammit… overall, he just sucked. Luckily, Funny or Die has re-imagined Captain Planet as the hardcore envirogangsta he should have always been, with the help of the brilliant Don Cheadle. The power is yours, bitches.
Don Cheadle is Asshole Captain Planet
Honestly, I can’t get over the time and attention that went into painting Cheadle blue and perfecting his gravity defying business fighting crime and party in the forest mullet. I swear to god, if the actual show was like this I would have bought a Captain Planet toy and threatened everyone that I was from the nature hood and that they didn’t want any of this hurt. Instead, I grew up smashing my April O’Neill doll between rocks (she needed rescuing okay) and believing pizza was the food of the gods. Wait… maybe everything did turn out for the best. It’s probably a good thing I don’t walk around punching people who litter in the junk.